13 Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Signs of an Emotionally Unavailable Man

Want to save yourself tons of time and heartache? One of the best things you can do is watch for these 13 signs of an emotionally unavailable man.

‘Cause when it comes to building a successful relationship you can place at the center of your life, it may be that nothing rivals emotional intimacy.

And we all know that finding emotional intimacy in a man can be difficult — but nowhere is that more difficult than with an emotionally unavailable man. In that case? Don’t bother, because it can’t be done. And even in the cases where it’s possible for an emotionally unavailable man to change, it’s a Herculean task.

First, though, what do we mean by “emotionally unavailable?”

For starters, emotionally unavailable men may have difficulty in expressing their feelings. This may be as a result of past emotional trauma, or it may simply be who they are.

And that brings us to a key distinction: Some men are temporarily emotionally unavailable, while others are permanently emotionally unavailable.

Temporarily emotionally unavailable men are obviously much more suited to sharing a meaningful relationship, but in either case, emotional distance in a relationship can, and should be, a deal-breaker, especially as it may mean trying to have a relationship with someone who may not ever be capable of truly loving you as you love them.

For that reason and more, if you’re looking for a long-term, mutually fulfilling relationship, you need to avoid dating emotionally unavailable men. To do that, though, you need to fully appreciate what that looks like, so let’s look more closely at thirteen signs of an emotionally unavailable man. Here’s what you need to watch for…

He’s not that into you

This can present in any number of ways, but most commonly this will look like a disinterest in who you are as a person. Odds are good he’ll still be plenty interested in sex, but when it comes to talking afterward or hearing about your day, he’ll likely make it pretty clear he’s really just not that interested.

Similarly, this also likely means he doesn’t ask questions about you, or your past. This isn’t just you, though, because he’s unable to connect emotionally with anyone in his life.

He sends mixed messages

Because he fear being vulnerable or otherwise opening up, you can expect regular mixed messages.

Some of this may be his own difficulty in knowing what he wants and needs, as he isn’t emotionally honest enough with himself to really know, but regardless, his unwillingness to really commit to a relationship means you’re never going to get his full attention or commitment.

Instead, you’ll get sweetness one day and a cold shoulder the next.

He can’t open up

Because he is so afraid of being vulnerable (which he sees as weakness), he won’t talk about his feelings with you. In part this may be because he doesn’t know his own feelings, but it’s also the result of not knowing how to communicate without feeling vulnerable — and feeling vulnerable is precisely the thing he hates most.

When he is able to open up, you may find you feel more like his therapist than a partner, because even when he finally trusts you enough to talk, he still isn’t emotionally mature enough to handle your emotional needs as well.

If the relationship feels one-sided, that’s because it is, and that’s not a relationship at all. After all, can you be with someone who can’t also meet your needs?

He prefers it casual

Keeping it casual means not needing to make a commitment, which leaves him feeling in control.

Watch his actions: If he disappears on you, but then is ready to have a relationship when it works for him, he’s letting you know that he only wants a relationship on his terms — which isn’t how a serious relationship is built.

Similarly, you may note he only wants to hang at your place, or doesn’t want you snooping around his place. Odds are good he may have other women he’s keeping at the same arm’s length.

He runs from trouble

An emotionally unavailable man doesn’t want to be there for any potential confrontation, because that would mean dealing with feelings, something he either isn’t comfortable with or doesn’t know how to do.

As a result, he may well run at the first sign of trouble, rather than try and work through it with you.

Here’s the thing: Every relationship has conflict. If he isn’t willing to work through it with you, it isn’t as if that conflict is going to solve itself, and ignoring it long-term isn’t a solution, either. You deserve better.

He ignores your feelings

Much like a narcissist, an emotionally unavailable man is incapable of considering your needs or feelings. This can be the result of his own difficulty in connecting with feelings, but regardless, it doesn’t bode well for a mutually beneficial partnership.

This may be something he’s willing to work on with you, but consider that for a relationship to work, both parties have to feel supported. Can you really feel supported if he doesn’t recognize your feelings?

He’s still hung up on his ex

This may even be the cause of his emotional distance. If he’s still in love with his ex, you’re the rebound — and he may not even be self-aware enough to realize it.

In any case, if he’s still stuck on his ex, he’s not seeing you as a partner. So pay attention to how he refers to his ex: If a former love comes up regularly, that might be a sign their heart is still elsewhere.

He prefers texting to talking

When it comes to communication, many emotionally unavailable men may prefer texting, because it allows them to hide and gives them control over communication, to talking, even though talking in person (or even over the phone) allows for much greater communication of tone, body language, and other emotional cues.

This helps him create an emotional barrier, though, and prevents things from getting too emotionally intimate, which is uncomfortable for him.

You should know, though, that without a willingness to work through things and be emotionally intimate, a relationship can only go so far — and that requires hard face-to-face communication.

He can’t compromise

If you’re always the one making the compromise, that isn’t a partnership. You need your partner to work with you, which requires compromise on both your parts.

If he isn’t willing or isn’t able to do that, that lack of emotional maturity will kill any long-term future you might have.

He struggles with empathy

Because he has a hard time accessing her own feelings, he has an even harder time understanding how others might feel in a given situation.

As a result, he cannot sympathize or feel empathy, because he can’t make that emotional connection. And that can be terribly frustrating in a relationship, because you’ll never get the emotional support you need from him.

He needs control

Because stepping out of our comfort zone requires a certain level of emotional independence, ceding control can be tremendously difficult for him. Ultimately, this is frequently also connected to low self-esteem.

If you notice he always has to set the itinerary, though, this is a clear sign that he isn’t emotionally able to trust you or cede you control.

He may be closed off when it comes to his personal life for the same reasons; he needs to control that arena, and letting you in forces him to cede some of that control.

He can’t connect with the people closest to you

For a real partner, the people you are closest to become their family as well, but this is the exact opposite of what happens with an emotionally unavailable man.

Because he already struggles to connect even superficially with you when it comes to feelings and emotions, he definitely isn’t able to create those bonds with your family, friends, and inner circle.

That’s simply a level of commitment he isn’t able to make.

He’ll do anything to avoid emotional intimacy

That may mean expecting perfection. It may mean creating drama where there was none. Regardless of how, when things are going well, that emotional intimacy scares him, because he doesn’t know how to handle it.

As a result, he will find reasons to step back, to regain control, or otherwise push you away. He can’t make a commitment to you, and his actions will reflect that.

Ultimately, an emotionally unavailable man isn’t able to give you what you need, and there is not much hope for a long-term happy future with him. It’s more likely that you’ll be left doing most of the work without much emotional support or even acknowledgment from his side.

So if the guy you’re seeing checks off most of these signs of an emotionally unavailable man, it’s time to ask yourself: is it worth it or is it time to walk?

5 Simple Yet Brilliant Ways to Get Him Back After He Broke Up With You

ways to get him back

Put your hand up if you’ve been dumped and you were miserable.

Bet’s on that this has happened to you, and when the nasty event transpired you couldn’t help but think to yourself, “How on earth do I get him back?”

Rest assured, you’re not alone. When conventional dating emerged as a trend, we began looking at our relationships like a game of chess.

We often imagine ourselves with someone for a bit but eventually the inevitable happens – they dump you or you dump them. It’s kind of alienating and it’s not fun, especially if you’re on the receiving end of things.

Breakups are hard for a few obvious reasons. But as a general theme, we get used to having someone in our life and it’s hard to adjust when they’ve decided to leave. Even worse, if you felt that this could be your forever guy, it’s hard to accept that this ended so quickly and so harshly.

You’d think this would be enough to turn us off, but there are certain circumstances in which he may have misunderstood something. You may feel there was no merit in the final decision and that he’s totally in the wrong.

It sounds miserable but the truth is that the ball is in your court. You get to decide how you handle the situation and you can do it on your own terms. And who knows, if you get it right then you might just win him back.

After all, soggy tissues get old fast.

So how do you get him back after he broke up with you? Here’s 5 unexpectedly simple ways to coax your way back into his heart.

Talk it out

Breakups often happen so quickly that you have no time to explain yourself so you can provide more context to the situation.

One of the best ways to get him back is to come up with some super simple sentences that will get your point across in a non-forceful way. Most people are willing to talk at least once after a breakup so try meeting him at a coffee shop and give it your best shot.

By adding clarity to the issue, he might reconsider his decision and the table could be turned in your favor.

Return his stuff

If you’ve been dating for a while then chances are you’ll have one of his hoodies or his favorite watch. While the thought of returning his things probably makes you feel sad, it can also serve as a great opportunity to get him back.

This might sound bad, but sometimes you need to paint the picture a little more brightly than it is. And by that we mean that you need to show up looking super bright and positive.

When you approach it this way he’ll be much more likely to negotiate and returning his stuff helps you get there in the first place.

Be positive

Even if you don’t feel positive then do things that tend to make you feel more positive. There’s a reason why people say that happiness is the best form of revenge and that’s because other people get curious about your big smile, and he will be no exception.

Chances are he’ll ask you about how you’re doing once he sees you doing your own thing, and he’ll get the feeling that he’s really missing out.

Sure, it might be a bit of a mind game but at the end of the day, guys are pretty simple and a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.

Show interest in other men

Think about dating the way that you’d think about a game of checkers – it’s all about strategy. The last thing you’ll feel like doing after the relationship ends is dating other guys.

But the one thing you haven’t considered is that exes get crazy over that stuff, and it often brings them back.

We’re not saying you should go do a fancy dinner. It’s the most effective when you leave subtle hints – perhaps you tag another guy in your Instagram posts, you like someone else’s, or you leave comments. Trust us, he’ll see, and it will likely help you out.

Do you…?

If there’s one thing that you wanted to do during your relationship, now’s the time to try it. Maybe that means you join a water polo team or you try painting with watercolors for the first time.

Whatever you choose, try focusing on yourself. He’ll get the sense that he’s really missing out and you’ll get a better sense of how good you are at living life on your own.

It’s great to get a guy back but some relationships just aren’t meant to be revisited. Remind yourself that you’re awesome – regardless of whether or not he sees that. If he doesn’t appreciate you then don’t worry, someone else will.

12 Signs He Just Wants a Casual Relationship

signs he wants a casual relationship

No matter how you feel about him, you can’t make a man want a relationship. Maybe he’s told you he just wants to keep it casual, or maybe he simply hasn’t addressed what he wants at all.

And, even if he has talked about it, you know by now that men are not always the best with their words; instead, it’s far safer to trust their actions.

So how do you know if a relationship has a chance to go somewhere, or if he just really only wants something casual? You pay attention to his actions.

Actions like these 12 clean signs that he really does, in fact, just want a casual relationship.

He never takes you out

When he wants a real relationship, he wants to be seen out and about with you. If that never happens? There could be a reason, in that he doesn’t see you as relationship material.

His relationship history is dotted

If a guy has a history of not being able to commit, it’s unlikely that, no matter how romantic the notion may be, you’re going to be able to fix that part of him. Be careful and consider yourself warned!

He pulls away

If you often find he pulls away from you emotionally, or is distant with you, that is a sign that he isn’t emotionally invested in you or the relationship.

Similarly, maybe when you lay out your dreams with him, you’re met with silence, or a response that shows a lack of emotional connection, like “that’s great.”

If it feels like he’s just going through the motions, that’s probably because he is.

He disappears

Similarly, if he often disappears for days on end, that’s a pretty good sign that he doesn’t want to give you claim to his time.

Instead, he’s maintaining his distance and independence, which is a clear sign he wants to keep things casual.

He blows you off

Similarly, if he makes plans and then cancels, that’s a pretty clear sign that he doesn’t value your time. Yeah, sure, things come up, but if this is a repeated pattern, think twice about why that might be.

He’s still involved with his ex

Maybe there are guys out there who can genuinely stay friends with their exes, as opposed to merely tolerating them in shared social circles, but if so, I haven’t met them.

As a general rule, if a guy is still involved with their ex, it’s because they still have feelings for them…and do you really want to be stuck in that?

He doesn’t talk with you

I don’t mean superficial conversations. I mean real, deep conversations, the kind that help two people connect. If he’s not willing to have those conversations, it’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

He’s only available when he’s available

When a guy wants a relationship with you, he makes time, whenever he can, to see you. If he’s only available on the weekends or when he doesn’t otherwise have plans, though, that’s a pretty clear sign he just wants something casual, on his terms only.

His focus is on sex

And you know, good sex is worth focusing on. But if that’s all he seems to care about, then it’s pretty clear that he’s not looking for a relationship and really just wants to get in your pants.

He ignores your hints about the future

One of the most obvious signs he just wants a casual relationship is when he is completely uninterested in thinking about a future with you.

He’s only interested in the present, and when you try to talk about where you might see the relationship going, he changes the conversation or otherwise ignores that talk.

He can’t keep from checking out other women

That might be just watching them, or it might even be flirting with them, but if the fellow you’re with makes it clear that you’re not the only woman for him, that’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t see you as long-term relationship material.

He tells you

Look, there are plenty of times guys say they just want something casual because they don’t want to put themselves out there and risk getting hurt, even as they actually want something more.

But there are also plenty of times we might say we just want something casual, and that’s really what we mean, so if he repeatedly says things like “let’s just keep it casual,” and his behavior fits the other points we’ve just discussed, try trusting him: He probably really just wants something casual.

Why Rebound Relationships Fail Most of The Time (But They Don’t Have to)

why rebound relationships fail

Breakups are hard – no matter who makes the decision to break things off. Even if there were great reasons to break things off (abusive or toxic relationships, for instance), it can be hard to pick yourself back up.

When it’s a long-term relationship ending, it can be even harder.

And, rather than dealing with that pain, many of us choose to bury ourselves in another relationship: the rebound.

Whether you’re the one jumping into a rebound to avoid dealing with your pain or your new girlfriend or boyfriend is, it can be a problematic way to start a relationship.

In fact, more than 65% of rebound relationships fail within the first six months – often because whoever is rebounding isn’t actually psychologically prepared to be in a relationship again, having not yet dealt with the death of their previous one.

But that doesn’t mean all rebound relationships are doomed to fail. Let’s look at some of the main reasons rebound relationships fail – and what you can do to make sure you don’t fail in the same ways.

Lack of introspection & reflection

When a relationship has failed, it’s important that we take time to process the lessons we can take from that failure. Most often, though, when someone jumps right into a rebound, they haven’t taken that time, and as such, haven’t actually processed the breakup, or what went wrong, so they can avoid making those same mistakes in the future.

Without introspection and reflection, you may actually be doomed to make the same mistake in your current relationship, the rebound.

What you can do: Make time to process why the previous relationship didn’t work. Then, apply those lessons to the current relationship, so that you have a better chance of not being part of that 65% failure rate.

Vulnerability

Often part of the reason someone is in a rebound relationship is vulnerability, having just lost one of the people they were closest to from their life.

As a result, though, this means that people entering rebound relationships may not have their guard up against partners who might take advantage of them, or who are looking to manipulate them into getting what they want.

In the emotionally fragile place that comes after a breakup, rebounders may be willing to give in in circumstances where they would normally hold their ground – which can lead to later resentment and mistrust, damaging the relationship’s long-term future.

What you can do: Be aware of that extra vulnerability, whether you’re the one rebounding or your partner is, and protect emotions and trust. This can be more difficult than in normal relationships, as you have to balance both protecting yourself and opening up enough to develop trust, but it isn’t by any means impossible.

It’s ripe for abuse

Related to that vulnerability, rebounders are often ripe for abuse, whether emotional abuse or drug or alcohol abuse, frequently under the guise of “letting loose.”

With that comes poor decision-making, including unsafe sex, risky behaviors, and more if you and your partner aren’t careful.

What you can do: If you are the rebounder, you’ll need to be careful to avoid situations that are emotionally charged and may make it more likely you’ll make poor decisions.

If your partner is the rebounder, protect them from their tendency to let loose – they need you to be stable and protective as they work through their emotions, rather than an enabler that they may blame later.

It isn’t really you

As rebounders deal with their broken hearts, they may try to be someone they’re not – perhaps instead choosing to try and be someone they wish they were, or someone they think might have had more success in their previously failed relationship.

If they are acting in this way, though, it can only last for so long.

What you can do: Be there for who they really are – and stress that you accept and care for them as they really are, rather than who they’re trying to be. Help them realize they can be themselves with you, rather than projecting this idea of someone else.

They need therapy, not a relationship

Of course, part of rebounding is the inability to face what went wrong in the previous relationship, instead choosing to rush into another relationship.

If you note that your partner is still clearly not over their ex, or is using you as a therapist to process what happened, that may not bode well for your long-term future.

What you can do: Be there for them, but also suggest that they see someone who can help them process. After all, you want to be their partner, not their therapist. So support their need to process, but help them do so in a healthier way than using you as their therapist.

The truth is that for many people coming out of a bad breakup, a rebound is completely natural, and as long as you’re aware of the potential pitfalls, can be quite rewarding.

In fact, sociological studies have found that your odds of a successful relationship are no better, nor any lower, after a previous relationship.

In fact, in several studies, researchers have found that people dating new partners after a previous relationship feel better about themselves – both feeling more desirable and having fewer residual feelings toward their ex -than people who don’t begin dating again after the breakup.

People who date sooner after a breakup also show higher levels of well-being, self-esteem, and trust than those who wait. In other words, a rebound can be good for you!

So yes, rebounds often do fail. But they hardly have to, and if you can address any of the potential issues that can arise naturally in a rebound relationship, your new relationship has as good a shot at long-term success as any!

17 Signs He Wants to Be Exclusive

signs he wants to be exclusive

You’ve been seeing each other for a few months, but haven’t worked up the nerve for “the talk.”

But, short of having the talk, what if there are other ways to tell his intentions, or if he wants to be exclusive?

There are. Check out these 17 signs he wants to be exclusive with you. Of course, you should probably still have that talk – after all, clear, consistent communication is one of the hallmarks of a healthy, sustainable relationship – but if these signs check out, you’ll have a much better idea of where that talk will lead.

You’ve met each other’s inner circles

If he’s really into you, he’s going to want you to meet his closest friends, just as he’s going to want to meet your closest friends.

He wants you to be part of his support network – just as he wants to be part of your inner circle. Similarly, meeting each other’s family is a clear sign that you’re both looking forward to a potential future together.

The “we” word

Has he been using the word “we” when discussing each other and plans? When you talk about each other or try to make plans, it’s a good sign if you notice he’s using the word “we,” as in, “we should do this” or “we really like…”

In both cases, it means he’s thinking of the two of you as a couple, rather than just of himself as an individual.

He calls you his girlfriend

Pay attention to how he introduces you. If he calls you “his girlfriend,” that’s a great sign. If he refers to you as his friend, though? Not so much.

Calling you his girlfriend is his way of claiming you as his one and only partner; he’s not interested in any other women, and he’s publicly declaring it so.

He’s gotten rid of his dating profile online

Tinder, Match.com, eHarmony — if he’s taken his profiles down, you know he’s taken himself off the market. After all, he doesn’t need to look for someone else to spend his evenings with, because he’s busy spending them with you instead.

He’s hogs your weekends

If wants to spend both Friday and Saturday night with you, it’s a pretty clear sign he wants to be exclusive.

When someone’s still playing the field, they’ll keep a weekend night open for other potential dates or hookups.

But when they’re already planning to spend both nights with you? You can be sure you’re the only one they want to be with.

The women in his circle know

One of the most subtle but obvious signs he wants to be exclusive is when introduces and talks you up to his female friends.

Pay attention to how he talks you up with his female friends: Some guys will do this as a way of bragging, and other guys will do it to try and make the lady they’re interested in jealous.

If you note he’s genuinely proud to talk you up in front of his female friends, it’s because he wants them to approve of you — a good sign that he wants their support of you, because he wants you to stick around.

You spend your nights snuggling

Look: Most guys are terrible at snuggling. We don’t know how to do it, it feels awkward, and most often, we’d rather sprawl out. If he’s willingly cuddling with you—and not because you asked—it’s because he feels safe with you, and wants to let you into his life emotionally, not just physically.

That’s a pretty damn strong sign that he wants just you, for you, in his life.

He brings up a future together

If you find him hinting that he might want to live together, or otherwise sees you two together in the future, that’s a really good sign that he wants you for his long-term partner, and only you.

If he’s talking about those things with you, you can be sure he’s thinking about a longer-term future, including marriage and your potential as a wife.

He has Facebook photos up of the two of you

Even if he hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook yet (and if he has, that’s definitely a good sign!), numerous photos of the two of you as a couple means he wants to be seen as claimed by you.

He doesn’t want to be with someone else; he wants to be with you.

He tells you if he hears from an ex

He does this because he doesn’t want to hide anything from you AND because he’s certain he doesn’t want to be with the ex—he wants to be with you!

As a result, he’s not going to try and sneak anything by you with his ex.

Hearing from his ex is, for him, just another reminder of what a special thing he’s found in his relationship with you. And if he’s then telling you about that?

That’s a very clear sign that he just wants you, and that he wants you to stick around, because he’s displaying both emotional vulnerability and trust with you.

He loves PDA

If he’s showing off his relationship—holding your hand, kissing you, in front of family, friends, co-workers—then you know he’s proud of it. He wants people to know that he’s yours, and your his. That’s a sign he doesn’t want anything else—just you.

He spend his birthday and romantic dates with you

If he’s spending his birthday with you, you know you’re who he wants at his side. If he’s spending Valentine’s with you, you know there isn’t another woman in his life. Both of these are great signs.

You have a drawer at his place

That’s a clear sign he’s not having anyone else over—he’s asked you to claim your dominion of his space when he has you keep stuff at his place.

He tells you “I love you”

And I don’t mean to get sex: If he’s telling you “I love you” in everyday contexts, like snuggling on the couch, or just in regular conversation, even in text, you know he means it, rather than just trying to get something from you.

His ex knows about you

Obviously, this only applies if his ex is still somehow in his life; some people prefer a clean break.

But if his ex is still somehow in his life, whether because of shared friends or other circumstances, if you see him making it clear to his ex that he’s yours, it’s a clear sign he considers himself claimed by you, and wants to be with you only.

He’s there for you when you’re sick

If he’s there to make you chicken soup, you know he’s smitten, and only with you. Most guys are terrible at caring for people in their weakness, so if he’s there to nurse you back to health, that’s a clear sign he considers you a long-term keeper.

He’s given a key to his place

That’s a clear sign he wants to stop by any time, and is something he’d never do if he were seeing someone else on the side.

Instead, he considers his place yours, and he wants you to see it as a shared home for the two of you, similar to how we sees the two of you as a “we.”

10 Signs He Likes You More Than a Hookup

signs he likes you more than a hookup

Look, it can be hard to know how a guy feels about you, I know. We guys aren’t always the best about knowing our own feelings, much less making them obvious to you or anyone else.

But there are some things we can’t help doing, and as a result, you can tell from our actions if we’re just all about getting in your pants, or if we like you in and out of the bedroom.

Like that, you ask? Here’s 10 signs he likes you more than a hookup!

He gives you his quality time

If he’s with you during the day, that’s a good sign. If he only shows up at 2 am for a bar close booty call, not so much.

So pay attention to what times he gives you, and what he wants to do with you—there’s a big difference between wanting to run errands together and just wanting to dirty some sheets.

He wants you both nights of the weekend

If a guy is seeing multiple women, he’s not going to see you both Friday and Saturday night. Instead, he’ll give you one or the other, so he can keep the other night free.

If he regularly wants to see you consecutive nights, though, it’s a pretty safe bet that he likes you for more than just the sex.

He introduces you to his inner circle

This may even include his family. Guys might introduce a hookup to his guy friends, as a way of bragging about his conquest or a way of showing he can score dates with a hottie like you.

He won’t, however, bring you around to see his family unless he’s interested in developing something more with you. Guys don’t bring girls home to meet their family unless they see themselves staying with her and making something of a future together.

He communicates daily

If he sees you as a booty call or hookup only, he’s only going to text or call when he gets laid. If he thinks of you as something more, though, he’s going to be in much more regular contact.

If he’s texting you daily, and replies to your messages immediately, that’s a good sign that he wants more with you.

He’s patient with you

If he recognizes that his time with you doesn’t have to be rushed, and he’s patient with you as you make decisions, that means he’s willing to move at your pace, which is a pretty clear sign that he’s interested in developing a deeper relationship with you.

If we’re just about the sex with you, we aren’t going to take that time.

He brings up the future

If you note that he brings up things he’d like to do with you in the future, that’s a good sign—because that means he sees you in his future. That might not mean he’s thinking marriage, but it definitely means he sees things with you going somewhere.

He isn’t interested in other women

Look, you can tell when a guy with your with is checking out other women. If he just wants to be with you, he isn’t going to do that.

Similarly, even if he’s a natural flirt, you might notice you’re the only one he flirts with. Those are really good signs that he’s only interested in you.

He’s interested in you

And not just your body. I mean, he’s going to ask questions about you, about your past, your future, and genuinely wants to hear your stories. If he’s really into you, he wants to get to know you, the real you, and that may mean lots of questions, and not just superficial ones like “How was your day?”

These deeper conversations are a clear sign that he wants to build a meaningful emotional connection with you, like in a real relationship, which is about more than just sex.

He wants your feedback

When a guy just wants to know you physically, they’re not likely to care much what you think, as long as you’re willing to sleep with them. When a guy really trusts you and values your opinion and thoughts, though, you know that he sees you as more than just a hookup.

If you find he not only respects your thoughts but values and uses your advice, then you know he’s really into you.

He supports you

When he’s there for you when you need him, that’s a good sign. Most guys if just in it for sex will bail when you need emotional support, but that’s not the case if he sees you as relationship material, or someone he wants to be with longer-term.

The flip side, of course, is that if he’s there for you, and sees you as longer-term relationship material, he’s also going to expect you to be there for him, because this means he trusts you and wants to be with you.

So does your guy show these signs? If so, pay attention to them, because it’s pretty clear he’s into you for more than just the physical stuff. Instead, he wants to build something meaningful with you — even if he isn’t honest enough with himself (or self-aware) to recognize that fact.

So pay attention to his actions more than his words; he may well be saying “let’s keep it casual,” but if he acts like the points above, you know he wants more, even if he doesn’t realize it.

5 Things Every Man Can Do to Craft the Catchiest Dating Profile

dating profile for men

You’ve finally jumped aboard the online dating ship and are ready to start attracting some fantastic dates…welcome aboard!

The Internet gives you access to a wider area of partner possibilities – seriously, across the entire globe – and instantly increases your chances of finding someone you just click with than, say, your small town of 20,000 people.

At the same time, no dating site can help you find the right mate if you don’t give off the right signals. As in real life, first impressions are everything on the Internet. Especially with the plethora of other profiles competing for every user’s attention.

This makes your dating profile the single most determining factor of your online dating success. You want to be catchy, you want to be memorable, you want to be you.

Here’s how, in 5 simple steps.

Ditch the Resume for a Story

It’s who you are that matters, not what you do.

What grabs your attention more?

Example #1: After 9 years of working in corporate marketing, I’ve recently moved (with a promotion 🙂 ) to *enter city here* to manage the *enter region here* market.

I truly enjoy my job and am blessed to be where I am, but it does keep me extremely busy and I don’t have much time to date.

Still I keep myself busy by traveling, hiking, and volunteering on weekends and holidays. My life is full and wonderful and I am looking for a sincere, active, and funny woman to enjoy it with.

Example #2: Sometimes life aims a curve ball straight at your stomach when you’re least expecting it. I got hit last week. As I clambered up a new found hiking path, lost in reverie, I stumbled onto the domain of the biggest bear I’d ever seen…and I was seeing it way too close.

His (hers?) back was turned toward me and as she went on doing his (her?) thing, I busied myself with watching my entire life pass before my eyes. And even in my petrification, I could tell it was a good life – full of visions of hiking trails I’d meandered through, destination I’d ‘discovered,’ work that I’m excited to wake up for in the morning…but something was missing…a woman – the woman – to enjoy all the adventures of life with. Well, perhaps not this particular one.

I wish I could say I made a heroic escape full of acrobatic finesse, but the bear simply…moved on. But my epiphany hasn’t left me. So, here I am, looking for another fateful encounter.

Although, with someone perhaps, a bit less…furry.

Example #1 or #2…who would you message?

KISS

Keep It Simple, Stupid –  the beauty of this acronym is that it can be applied to oh so many aspects of life and online dating is no exception.

Yes, your life, hobbies, interests, experiences may be full – your cup runneth over – but no one needs to read the autobiography of your life.

If your current profile reads like a Wikipedia page of your life, boil it down to the bits and pieces that speak to your personality AND are interesting to read.

That means – eliminate the lists of the characteristics you’ve had, the accomplishments you’ve racked up, the laundry list of qualities you are looking for in a mate and instead focus on making the reader feel who you are in a few simple sentences.

The best advertisers know this: simplicity and feeling are key in attracting an audience. Paint a mental picture of what you’re passionate about or a instance in your life. Make him or her feel.

Don’t let the past dominate

Your background and history play a part in making you you, but there’s no need for it to make an appearance in your dating profile. You’re looking for someone who wants to date you as you are now, not then.

If you’re a single parent, mention it (once). If you’re recently divorced, work it into a sentence (once).

Take a moment to observe and appreciate your life and yourself now and then write from there.

Picture your ideal mate

Got the image in your head? All the characteristics? Good. Now keep it to yourself.

There is no reason in the world why anyone should go through the tediousness of describing every characteristic they want their ideal mate to have in a dating profile. It’s not a grocery list.

Instead, focus on what qualities your ideal mate would be attracted to. Is your ideal mate creative? Make your profile creative. Is he athletic? Make it a point to mention your own enthusiasm for an active lifestyle. Is she funny? Write a profile that’d make anyone laugh.

Pretend you are writing directly to the ideal mate you hold in your mind.

Make a list of your turn-offs

Got it? Good. And again, keep it to yourself.

Most people have a pretty clear idea of what doesn’t work for them, but there’s no reason to mention characteristics that you detest on your online dating profile.

It’s simply redundant: Nobody likes cheaters. People generally don’t care too much for liars either. Gold diggers? Also not popular.

But since you already have the list of your turn-offs and deal-breakers, make use of it. Every characteristic has an opposite, so concentrate on appealing to the exact opposite of the people who turn you off. Design your profile accordingly.

Now go out there are get yourself a date!

How to Emotionally Connect With a Man

how to emotionally connect with a man

Wondering how to emotionally connect with a man? Good question. In fact, it’s probably the smartest question considering that the way to a man’s heart is, well, through his heart.

So building emotional connection is the wisest way to go.

After all, in order for a relationship to work, you need to build a lasting connection between two people. And the cornerstone for that is there a deep emotional connection, an intimacy that differs from physical attraction.

It’s generally considered true that it’s easier to tell if a woman is emotionally invested, just as it’s easier for a woman to become emotionally connected to someone.

So how do you tell if you’re emotionally connected with a man, and perhaps more importantly if you’re really into him, how can you develop that emotional connection?

Given that emotional attraction is what separates a fling from the deep commitment that keeps him coming back to you and doing whatever he can for you, it’s an important part of any lasting relationship.

Here are 12 simple  tips that can help you build and solidify that emotional connection!

Value yourself

Men want to be with someone who values themselves, and who sees themselves as a catch. That means a key part of building an emotional connection with a man is first being confident and secure in your own sense of self.

Stand up for what you believe in. Do the things that are important to you. This confidence and positive self-esteem is incredibly attractive, and helps him see you as a more desirable part of his life.

Affirm him

And as a confident and secure woman, you can help him feel similarly about himself. When he does something great, let him know! Everyone loves to hear when they’re doing something well, and this is no different in a relationship.

Even better, affirmations are incredibly addictive. When he knows he can count on you to praise him when he does well, he’s more likely to seek that praise in the future, meaning he’s more likely to put more effort into the relationship.

Express your desires

Let him know the things you want. This can be physical (it’s important he knows what works for you, because there’s nothing hotter to a man than seeing his woman enjoy sex) or it can be emotional — intimacy is something that needs to be developed through communication.

Let him know what you need, and he’ll be more likely to do the same with you, which helps build emotional connection between you and helps give the relationship staying power.

Share your stories

When you let him in to your life, it’s a sign that you consider him safe and trustworthy, which also helps put him at ease, making him more likely to share his stories with you.

And this means both the lighthearted stuff and the serious stuff — what you’ve gone through in your life is a huge part of who you are today, and sharing those experiences with him can help him understand you, and as such, can help him connect with you.

Ask about his stories

Part of sharing your stories is creating a safe space for him to share his past. You don’t have to poke and prod him here. Instead, be gentle in asking questions, and more than anything, work on creating an environment where he knows he can always talk to you about anything.

In that setting, he’s far more likely to open up to you in the future. This isn’t something you can rush; instead, keep in mind that in the best and strongest relationships, partners spend their entire lives learning each other on progressively deeper levels.

Keep a safe space, and you may be surprised at how well you come to know and understand each other in time.

Practice acceptance

This doesn’t mean turning a blind eye when he does something stupid, or giving him permission to cheat on you. What it does mean, though, is that you work on accepting him for who he is, supporting him, and being there for him.

The little stuff, like forgetting to close a kitchen drawer or leaving his toothbrush out? Not really important. (And besides, it may be something you can work through with him when you have gained his trust and an emotional connection, because it will be something he’ll want to do for you.)

Instead, focus on the big picture and loving him for who he is.

Practice gratitude

When you say thank you or let him know the things you appreciate, that makes him feel good about doing them. Let him know the things he does that you’re grateful for, and do so on a regular basis, both as they’re done and as you think of them later.

When you thank him, he knows you appreciate his role in your life, and this helps him connect with you.

Fight fair

This is, for many couples, one of the hardest parts of building a strong relationship. Knowing how to emotionally connect with a man is one thing – but maintaining the connection is just as important and nowhere is this more challenging than when you’re both upset and angry with each other.

Look, you’re going to have fights or disagreements if you stay together long enough. Learning how to stay calm, display emotional stability and maturity, and work through it is one of the best things you can do for your relationship.

Fighting dirty to gain an upper hand in the moment with statements like “that’s why your ex left you!” isn’t going to help either of you long-term, and will make it next to impossible to build trust, empathy, and the emotional intimacy the strongest relationships rely on, so really focus on fighting fair when conflicts do arise.

Connect intellectually

Share the things you’re interested in and that make your brain work, and he’ll be far more likely to do the same. When couples connect on an intellectual level, the emotional side is far, far more likely.

So talk about current events. Talk about policy. Talk about science. Talk about religion.

Talk about the things that are important to you and stretch you as a person, and he’ll be far more likely to do the same with you — which is a sign that he respects and trusts you enough to want to hear your opinion as he forms or reforms his own.

Make sex special

For many men, whether they can admit it or not, emotional intimacy is connected to physical intimacy. When you make it clear through touch that you think he is special, that helps draw him close to you.

And this is true of all touch, not just sex: How he connects to you physically affects how he connects with you emotionally.

Be there

When he needs someone, be there for him. When things aren’t going elsewhere in his life, have his back. When he needs a sounding board, listen.

Being there for him with regularity and consistently helps build his trust in you, and helps him develop an emotional connection with you.

Be his safety net

And beyond just being there, help him know that with you he’s safe. You’re there to love him for who he is, to always have his back, to help him live his best life. You’re there to help him feel better, and you share an emotional bond with him.

These tips aren’t always easy. In fact, some of them (like fighting fair) can take a tremendous amount of work. Learning to apply them in your relationship, however, can help it move from a casual fling to something that has real staying power and can sit at the center of both your lives.

Emotional intimacy is key for a strong relationship, and the twelve tips above can help you build that with the special man in your life.

8 Must Know Tips When Dating as a Single Parent

dating as a single parent

You’re officially ready to jump back into the dating game but wait…you’ve forgotten how. Don’t worry, after years of parenting and being focused on your children, it’s perfectly normal.

And as hard as it seems, you’ll learn to get better at juggling romance with all the responsibilities and tasks of being a single parent. Of course, there are a few things you can do to maximize your enjoyment of a new romance while not taking away from the time and attention you shower on your children.

Here are tips on finding a balance while having your fun dating!

Focus on you

You love your kids; your world revolves around them. This is so natural that it’s easy to fall into the trap of defining yourself solely as a ‘parent’ or a ‘single parent.’

But when it comes to dating, it’s time to focus on you again. This is one part of your life where what you like and need matters the most. After all, you’re not finding someone for your kids, are you? You’re finding someone for you. Remember that.

Plan ahead

If your new love interest is a single parents as well, this will be much, much easier since they’ll be in the same boat. To spend quality time with your new partner, make plans way ahead of time for a weekend get-away or a romantic night away from the kids.

This way you’ll have plenty of time to hire a reliable baby-sitter, work around any important events for the children (i.e. soccer games, drama performances), and have plenty to look forward to while going through your daily chores.

Leave the kids at home

When you’re meeting a new date, leave the kids at home – both physically and mentally. Of course, you’ll always have your kids in the back of your mind, but a date is a chance for you to get to the know your date and for the date to get to know you, not your kids.

That being said, don’t leave them out of the date conversations! Be absolutely honest from the beginning about being a single parent. There’s no reason to go on and on about your life as a single parent on the first date, but it’s good to mention the fact that you are one early on.

Make your own rules

People have an array of opinions when it comes to what other people should be doing. Ignore them. Those opinions apply only to the people who hold them.

As long you are balancing your time and keeping your priorities straight, feel free to make your own rules as to how to enjoy your life as a single parent.

If you want to date, do it! Want to let your hair down and go dancing? Again, do it! Single parent or now, you’re still you. Go do what you enjoy.

Be there for your kids

You’re busy with work, life, dating and kids. While they’re all important, you already know what comes first: your kids. So show them that they are your top priority by keeping lines of communication open. Always.

Your kids might have a variety of opinions about your love life, your dating prospect, their place in your life, etc. Whereas whether you take their advice or not is your decision, it’s important to hear what they have to say and make them understand that you care what they have to say.

Your kids could feel insecure or threatened by the thought of you dating again so don’t sacrifice your alone time with your children for the sake of dating. When schedules conflict, opt for your child’s sport or school events.

And lastly, remember that your kids have their own stuff to deal with and never use your children as dating confidantes. As a single parent, life often gets too hectic to socialize. If you find yourself in a situation where you have no friends to confide in, make a concerted effort to find like-minded adults before you start dating. Even if you don’t have adult friends, stay away from over-sharing details of your love life with your children.

Maximize your time investments

It’s important to be there for your children when they need you, but are there things you are doing that you don’t need to be doing? Be honest with yourself and look at how you are spending your time. Many single parents have difficulty dating again because of a psychological block in which they use their kids as an excuse to leave their comfort zone. If you’re spending your time on activities that your children don’t need nor want, maybe it’s time to factor these out of your schedule.

Go slow

They say fools rush in and when you’re playing with both your emotions and the emotions of your children, you don’t want to be a fool. Take it slow, become friends first, and really take your time getting to know the other person before entering into a romantic relationship.

This is recommended in any relationship, but especially for single parents, you want to get to know your date inside and out before you invite him/her to be a part of your children’s lives. So take the time to become friends first, enjoy your date’s company and then build on that. Leave off on asking your date to assume any parental roles or introducing your date too quickly to your children.

Wait to introduce your dating prospect to your kids

However old your children are, they may have difficulty dealing with the emotional toll of meeting multiple dating partners. Children can’t be expected to understand the ups and downs of dating, so it’s best to keep them out of your love life until you’re sure about a dating prospect.

Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change?

Do Emotionally Unavailable Men Change

One thing every women who’s been in an emotionally unfulfilling relationship wants to know is: Do emotionally unavailable men change?

The short answer? No. Not usually. Very rarely.

The longer answer: Sometimes, but again, it’s pretty rare, and there are some other issues that often also need to be addressed.

That said, let’s dive in!

First, if you’re in love with an emotionally unavailable man, my condolences. Few things are more difficult.

Second, let’s look at why you might want them to change, and what you think that might look like if he is able to change.

Most likely, you expect that a magic unicorn will come around, tap him with a rainbow horn, and suddenly he’ll be emotionally connected to you.

The truth is, that just isn’t how it works, and even if it did, consider this: Do you really want to be the woman attracted to an emotionally unavailable man?

It may be that there are issues you want to address in your life and how you approach relationships, too, if you find yourself falling for someone that just can’t be there for you. That’s another whole article, though…

So back to the original question: Do emotionally unavailable men change?

When they do, here’s what it takes:

He must want the change

Let’s face it: He isn’t going to change unless he wants to. If you simply expect him to, but he doesn’t want to, you might as well pack your bags now, because it isn’t going to happen.

Instead, the desire to change must come from within him. And that’s going to require a great deal of introspection, soul-searching, and self-awareness on his part — things that run naturally counter to the idea of an emotionally unavailable man.

Are you getting the idea that this doesn’t happen very often? Because it doesn’t happen very often.

You have to be the right woman for him

Then there’s this fun part: Even if you help him work through all of his issues, there is the very real possibility that once he has connected with his feelings, he’ll realize that you aren’t the woman for him…and in that case, there’s nothing you can do about it.

If he doesn’t explicitly tell you, unsolicited, that you’re the woman for him, the sad truth is that you just might not be.

Worse yet, though, you won’t know until he goes through the work (assuming he wants to; see point #1) to get in touch with his feelings.

It takes time

Assuming he does want to work through his emotional issues, keep in mind that this is going to take time — likely years, if not the rest of his life.

When men are emotionally unavailable, there’s often a reason, be it trauma in their past or even something in their subconscious. It takes time to work through that!

And during that time, he’ll need you to be patient with him, or else you both run the risk of him only taking a step backward in his emotional development. So be there for him, but give him time as he works through his emotional baggage.

Respect who he really is

This is the hardest part for some people, when their partner starts opening up emotionally and they find that the person underneath isn’t the person they were hoping for.

The truth is, if he is able to start coming out of his emotional shell, he’s going to become more of who he really is, and you may or may not like that person as much as the person you were hoping he would become as he grew more in touch with his feelings.

Positivity

Working through his emotional baggage is going to be very, very hard for him. He’s going to need a cheerleader in his corner, and you’re the perfect person to do just that. Be encouraging for him, and he may be better able to work through his issues.

Be careful here not to pressure him, though. Again, let him work through things at his pace and as he’s comfortable doing so.

Pressure-free

This part is important. If you try to push him forward toward commitment and emotional attachment, you’re likely to inadvertently push him away. Remember, as a formerly emotionally unavailable man, he already has a hard time with his feelings.

Pressuring him is going to cause anxiety and fear, and is likely to result in him backing away.

Practice your own independence

Look: He may or may not ever be ready for you. Be there for him as he works through his emotional baggage, but know that you also need to be able to support your own sense of self, your own happiness, your own life.

Instead of waiting for him to hold you up, practice holding yourself up, and be your own best possible self.

The truth is, it’s quite likely he’ll never be the man you need. If he is ever going to be, though, he’ll need you to practice those seven points above.