5 Signs Your Ex Is In a Rebound Relationship

signs your ex is in a rebound relationship

So your ex has left you with a broken heart, and to make matters worse, he’s already with someone else. You’re still heartbroken, so how is it even possible that he’s already moved on?

Here’s the thing: Odds are good he hasn’t.

Instead, it’s quite likely he’s thrown himself into a rebound relationship, because a superficial relationship with someone else is easier for him than dealing with his feelings for you.

This may well be the case – or even especially the case, for some guys – if he can’t help telling everyone how great this new relationship is, if she’s completely different from you, and he’s putting in effort with her that he just didn’t with you.

All of those can be signs that he’s struggling to process his relationship with you. Or, in other words, that he’s rebounding.

But if you want to be sure, check out these five sure signs that he might not yet be as over you as he says, and that his new relationship is simply a rebound, his way of refusing to deal with his feelings for you.

Speed Dating, Anyone?

Do some math here: Did he jump right into dating someone else immediately after you two broke up? One rule of thumb for how long it takes to get over someone is a week for every month you were together.

A caveat there is that everyone processes at different rates, but if you were together for a year, and he’s dating someone else within a week, that’s clearly a rebound.

No one can move on that quickly, not without simply avoiding their feelings. Yes, some people can process more quickly than others, but think about your ex: You know him better than that. Was he someone that needed time to process difficult or emotional things?

If so, then jumping directly into a new relationship is a pretty clear sign that he hasn’t gotten over you yet. Instead, he’s simply trying not to think about you with his new rebound relationship.

One final caveat here: This may not apply to cheaters. If he cheated on you, this isn’t the article for you. Admit you’re better off without a cheating sack of shit in your life, and move on.

How Long Has She Been Around?

Not only is it important to note how long he waited before jumping into a new relationship, it’s also important to note how long he’s been with the new girl. If it’s been more than a few months, there’s a chance it isn’t just a rebound.

But, keeping in mind that studies estimate more than 65% of rebound relationships fail in the first six months, the less time they’ve been together, the more likely it is that it’s simply a rebound, his way of avoiding dealing with his feelings about and for you.

Look, most guys are really not good at dealing with their feelings. Rebound relationships give us a chance to avoid dealing with our feelings by replacing those feelings (sadness, loss, grief) with more fun feelings (mostly sex, to be honest).

If we haven’t been with the new girl for very long, and we jumped into the rebound straight out of our break-up? You can guess with fair certainty that we’re still thinking about you…possibly even as we’re sleeping with the new girl.

How Different Is She?

This is one of the big flashing signs that your ex is in a rebound relationship: How different is the new girl from you?

If she’s completely different, that’s a pretty good sign that he’s simply not over you. Call it overcompensating.

The truth is, he’s still grieving the loss of you, even if he won’t admit it, which is why he doesn’t want to be with someone like you right now. The less like you the new girl is, the less likely it is that she’ll remind him of you – which means the less he’ll be tempted to think about you, or so he hopes.

As a result, he overcompensates for losing you by dating the exact opposite of you. After all, if things didn’t work with you, they’ll work with the exact opposite kind of person, right?

The truth is, if he was with you for a long time, it’s because the two of you worked, and had a special connection.

Most often if he’s with someone completely different, it’s because he’s trying not to process his relationship with you. This is a pretty clear sign he still has feelings for you, and is simply running away from those feelings to his rebound.

How Quickly Is He Moving With Her?

This might be the biggest sign of all: The faster he’s moving with her, the more sure you can be that he’s in a rebound.

Remember what I said about most guys not being very good at processing their feelings? This is somewhere where that holds especially true. If he’s still stuck on you – even if he’s not wholly conscious of that fact – he’s more likely to move things quickly with the new girl.

So if he’s super serious about her and they’ve been together two weeks? That’s a pretty good sign his heart is still torn, and he’s throwing himself wholly into this new relationship to avoid thinking about his feelings for you, by transferring those feelings onto the new girl.

I mean, think about it. How well can he really even know the new girl if they’ve been together a couple of weeks? But rather than admit that, and take his time getting to know her, he’s taking his fully developed feelings toward you and transferring them to the new girl.

He’s trying to take the intimacy, comfort, and happiness he had with you at your relationship’s best and force it into the center of this new relationship, because that fills the emotional black hole where you are in his heart.

That’s the whole point of a rebound: He’s trying to get over the pain of losing you, and what the two of you had. And the harder you see him pushing the new relationship, the more sure you can be that he’s really struggling with the loss of you in his life.

For many guys, the pain of a breakup is simply more than they’re willing to do the work of pushing through and processing. As a result, they panic, consciously or not, and try to force intimacy and support elsewhere to replace what they’ve just lost.

So if he can push the new relationship forward quickly, that’s his way of trying to both decrease the pain he is feeling and replace the intimacy and emotional connection he’s lost.

It’s the same reason you might see him spending all of his time with the new girl: Because when he is alone he has an opportunity to realize what he’s just lost, and feel the connection he’s lost with you, and he doesn’t want to have that processing time, because it’s painful, and he doesn’t like that.

He can’t replace the time he spent with you in a few short weeks with someone new – but that doesn’t mean he might not try.

So if you see him escalating the new relationship, that’s a pretty clear sign that he’s not letting it progress naturally, because he’s still hung up on you, and that’s a real good sign that it’s a rebound, and not something more meaningful, no matter how much he might say otherwise.

How Is He Toward You?

Similarly, watch how he acts toward you. If he goes out of his way to tell you how happy he is, rubbing the new relationship in your face, that’s a pretty clear sign he still very much cares what you think.

He’s hurt by the loss of you in his life, and he’s taking that pain out on you by trying to hurt you back with this new relationship.

Think about it: If he was really over you, would he really care whether or not you knew he was in a new relationship? No! He’d be busy trying to emotionally connect and grow with his new girlfriend. The fact that he’s going out of his way to tell you about it means that he still has feelings for you.

On the flip side, if he seems to be hiding the new girl from you, it’s time to look at how your relationship together was. First, he could be hiding the new girl in the hopes that he still has a chance of getting back together with you. (If that’s the case, she’s a definite rebound.)

Second, though, he could be trying to avoid drama. If there was crazy drama between you previously, this is a fair bet.

So think about how the two of you worked, and how he’s acting toward you. Is he trying to make you jealous? It’s a rebound. Is he trying to get back together with you? It’s a rebound. Is he simply trying to avoid drama? It might not be a rebound.

If your ex is exhibiting more than a few of those five signs, though, you can be pretty sure that he’s not really over you – at which point you need to decide how you feel about that.

Do you want your ex back? Sometimes if things haven’t worked between you, that’s for the better. Try to be coolly rational here, as well as trusting your heart. Is he a long-term potential future, or was he simply a good thing while it lasted?

If you decide you do want him back, you need to make a plan; simply sitting on the sidelines isn’t going to get him back. While you make that plan, though, you can take comfort in the fact that he’s in a rebound relationship – because he’s pretty clearly not over you yet.

9 Surprising Signs He’s Emotionally Attached to You

signs he's emotionally attached to you

You’re spending tons of time together and both of you seem to have the “feels.” But the most surefire way to tell if he’s as into you as it seems boils down to his emotional investment.

After all, physical attraction is fleeting. And you want more than a simple, here-today-gone-tomorrow infatuation.

In that case, the thing you need to look for is how emotionally invested he is in you.

The thing is, though, that men aren’t used to wearing their hearts on their sleeve. In fact, man men pride themselves on hiding their feelings as best they can.

That means it can be difficult to tell how he might feel about us. Fortunately, there are numerous clear tells that you can watch for, each of which will make it clear he’s developed an emotional attachment to, and investment in, you.

Here are 9 tell tale signs he’s emotionally attached to you!

Regular and constant communication

For most guys, they can’t help it: They focus on the things they care about. So if they’re in deep smit, you’ll know by their communication.

They will make time for you, and they will regularly call and text, sometimes for no other reason than that they’re thinking about you (though they may or may not admit that last part).

Going above and beyond

For most guys, you know what you’re getting. Standard dates, gifts on Valentine’s Day, and so forth. If he’s going above and beyond (like paying for things he may or may not be able to afford), it’s a sign of how we feels about you.

He’s invested in you, cares about you, and wants to make sure you feel cared for.

The way he looks at you

And when you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. There’s a particular look men have when they get something they’ve always wanted, or when they’re in love with someone — a combination of adoration, admiration, even bliss.

It’s not a look that can be faked, not even by most of the best actors, and once you’ve seen it, you don’t forget it or mistake it for anything else.

When you get that look, you know: He’s in love.

The way he lets you in

For many guys, trust is rare and hard-won. There are not many people they’ll fully let their guard down with; even as they too need this emotional connection, it’s rare that a guy will admit to needing it.

If you find he’s telling you his hopes and his dreams as well as his fears and his worries, though? He trusts you, and he’s opened himself up to you, and he’s attached.

Commitment

If he’s asking for commitment, it’s because he’s sold on you as the right girl. See, here’s the thing: Most guys will tell you they aren’t afraid of commitment. What they’re afraid of is being at the wrong girl’s side.

If he’s asking for commitment from you, it’s because he has a really, really good feeling about you — if not that you’re “the one,” then at the very least that that’s a real possibility.

There aren’t many more clear signs of how a guy feels about you than that!

Intimacy

And this doesn’t just mean making time for sex, though that’s certainly part of intimacy. No, more than that, this means he’s willing, and wants, to make the time to really get to know and understand you, to bond with you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

This can be going out, but it can just as easily be time spent sitting up in bed, talking.

Regardless of how, if a man is making a conscious effort to make time for intimacy with you, that’s a sure sign he’s emotionally invested in your relationship, and wants to help it keep growing.

Partnership

Another clear sign he’s invested in you is when you see him acting as if you are his partner.

This can be something as simple as making sure that your decisions are made jointly when it comes to picking a date location, or it might be more emotional, such as leaping to your defense in front of family or friends, even if they might have only been teasing.

When he sees you as his partner, he feels the need to protect you. That’s a sign of a relationship that’s growing legs, and is proof of his investment in it.

He makes you part of his community

When he starts introducing you to family and friends, it can mean one of several things. It can mean he’s trying to get their opinion of you, one he’s still forming himself.

Or it can mean he’s trying to introduce you to his community, the people who are important to him, because he wants you to be a part of it.

If he keeps taking you out to be with his family and friends, that’s a pretty good sign he wants you around for the long-term. He’s invested in you, and sees you as part of his inner circle.

This is a really clear sign that he wants you to stick with him, because if he wasn’t so attached, he wouldn’t give his family and friends the opportunity to get attached to you as well.

He’s in it for the long haul

That means he’s willing to fight with you through the rough stuff. That might be a lost job, trouble with a friend, or even working through some emotional intimacy issues in your own relationship.

All of those are natural parts of a relationship, yet many men see them as an opportunity to get out before things get too serious.

If he’s by your side through all of it, though, you know he has your back. He wants this to last, because he’s invested in you and in the relationship, and just because things get rough aren’t enough to scare him off.

All of these are great signs that he’s grown attached to you, and that he wants to be with you. When a man is emotionally invested, it means they want to see how a relationship can grow and blossom, and they want to see that progression with you.

So don’t be scared if your boyfriend is showing signs he’s emotionally attached to you. They aren’t signs of weakness. Instead, they signal love.

Why Does My Ex Still Want to Sleep With Me?

why-does-my-ex-still-want-to-sleep-with-me

After a breakup, it’s rare for most people that they never see their ex again. After all, in your time together you likely shared interests, friends, and favorite spots.

You still have your ex’s phone number, email, and depending on how long you’ve been broken up, maybe even their spare key – and they can say the same about you.

And, if you were together for some time, there were clearly reasons that things worked between you, often including physical chemistry.

So it’s pretty natural that you might want to still sleep with them, or even more likely, that they might sill want to sleep with you. Breaking up doesn’t have to mean abstinence, and for many men, they’d very much prefer it didn’t – so if your ex is still trying to sleep with you, you’re hardly the first.

But why?

After all, one common school of thought after breakups says that you should make a clean break from each other, so you each have a chance to get your hearts and lives back in order. Sleeping together after you’ve broken up makes that messy, and so it may not be what you want.

Let’s look at the reasons why he might still want sex with you, rather than a clean break.

He knows you

Familiar sex is comfortable, and comforting. You know what he likes and what he finds super hot, and he knows the same about you.

And as a result, it’s easy – you know how to get each other off, without any of the fumbling or bumbling that can happen with other first-time new partners.

You’re easy

I don’t mean this as a dig. The truth is, unless he’s got skills as a player and can pick up any girl he wants, it’s going to be easier for him to get sex from you, a known commodity, than trying to pick someone new up at the bar.

He knows you, and how to get sex from you, and most guys are not afraid to take advantage of that information when they’re feeling horny.

He wants to be friends with benefits

Combine points one and two and you’ve got a pretty good argument for keeping a friends-with-benefits arrangement alive and well.

I mean, the two of you already know you’re physically compatible and have chemistry, and clearly if you were together for a long time, there’s at least some semblance of friendship.

As a result, he may be thinking this is an easy way to get regular sex, without any of the work of keeping a relationship together.

He thinks it will give him closure

Of course, on the flip side, he may still be grieving the loss of the relationship. Sometimes sex as closure is a lie guys tell themselves, and sometimes they actually believe it – that if they sleep with you one last time, that will somehow help them get over you.

Of course, that’s not how sex works for most people. Whether he wants to admit it or not, there’s an emotional connection to sex, and having sex with you isn’t going to help him move on. Instead, it reminds him of what you share.

And also, how over is it if you’re still sleeping together?

He thinks it will win you back

On the flip side of that grieving process – and especially if you broke up with him – odds are good he may think that sleeping with you will help him get you back if that’s something he wants.

That emotional connection produced by sex? It’s both very real and a very strong motivator. Our bodies produce oxytocin when we couple, which makes us feel loving and comforted.

As a result, he may be planning to take advantage of those warm cuddly feelings post-coitus to try and get back together.

He misses you

Wanting to sleep with you may not even be as much about sex as simply about missing you, and the emotional connection he had with you.

Most guys are not able to open up emotionally with their guy friends, and given how many of us are incapable of having friends that are girls without trying to sleep with them, odds are good you’re one of the only people he’s able to be emotionally vulnerable with.

As a result, a booty call may be his easiest way of getting you back in his life.

Am I a Rebound? 12 Signs You’re His Rebound Chick

rebound chick

You’ve just met a great guy, and he seems super into you. And let’s be real: You’re super into him, too. So what’s the problem?

The problem is he’s fresh out of a relationship and you have the lurking suspicion that you may be his rebound chick.

If he’s freshly single when you start dating, consider that a caution sign. That isn’t to say it can’t still work out – because it definitely can! – but just that there are reasons to be cautious.

Men, far more than women, are susceptible to jumping straight out of a relationship and into a rebound. In part, this is because many men aren’t very emotionally mature, and so for most men, when it comes to confiding and being emotionally vulnerable, that isn’t something they can do with their guy friends.

Instead, that job usually falls to their girlfriend – and when they don’t have a girlfriend, that’s a void in need of filling. Voila, rebound chick!

If you’re really into him, though, you should probably figure out sooner or later whether he’s really into you – or just really into rebounding and not being alone.

The best way to do that? Short of reading his mind, you can look for these  signs you might be his rebound chick…

He’s only just recently single

If he broke up with his long-time ex, or separated from his wife, within the last few months, that’s not a good sign. And the more unexpected the breakup, the more likely you’re a rebound.

Men generally don’t handle the medium-term after-effects of a breakup as well as women, and research suggests that a tendency toward a “grass is greener” perspective when looking back at past relationships in addition to less developed coping skills means they’re far more likely to find a new girlfriend to help them process…and in this case, that might be you.

The one exception here? Divorced men, as it can take years to finalize a divorce, which gives them plenty of time to process, meaning they’re past rebounding.

He’s always talking about her

This is a definite strong sign that he’s not over her, because if he’s talking to you about her, that means he’s still thinking about her. That might be affection, or it might be resentment, but either way, he’s not over her yet – and you’re acting more as his therapist than as his partner.

Even if he sounds genuinely angry and disgusted with his last relationship, if he’s still talking about her – that means she’s still occupying a lot of space in his head. And that means less space for you.

The breakup was sudden

If she broke up with him, and he didn’t see it coming, or if he broke up with her because of unexpected circumstances (for instance, discovering she was cheating on him), it’s far more likely that he hasn’t yet grieved the loss of his relationship, and is instead with you so that he doesn’t have to be alone with his feelings.

After a sudden breakup, most men need months of time to process what’s just happened before they can fully invest emotionally in a new relationship. If he hasn’t had that time, odds are good you’re a rebound – and one that he’ll have difficulty fully investing in.

He openly compares you to her

This is related to point number two, and yet somehow worse…because he’s dragging you into his processing. Whether he’s talking about how much you’re like her or how much different you are, the fact that he’s comparing you is a sure sign that he still hasn’t moved on.

It could be that he’s into you because you possess some of the same traits as his ex, or it could be that he’s into because he wants the opposite of his ex – so that he isn’t reminded of her, and the type of woman she was – but in either case, if he’s openly comparing you to his ex, you can be pretty sure you’re a rebound.

He’s moving fast

This is a subtle sign and one that can be mistaken for a man who’s ready for a serious relationship.  But if his commitment doesn’t match how long you’ve been together – it’s a red flag.

This incongruence can show in extremes.

For some men, they might be talking about how much he really likes you on your second date and telling you he loves you after knowing you a week or two.

Similarly, you might note he pushes to label your relationship on social media – a way to prove to himself and others that he has value in a relationship. If you note that his sense of commitment doesn’t fit the time you’ve been together, this can be a solid sign that he’s using you as a rebound.

For other men, though, this can take the exact opposite tack, like an inability to call you his girlfriend even after you’ve been dating for months. This might be a sign that he still, in some part of his brain, anticipates getting back together with his ex, and that he hasn’t fully accepted that that relationship is over. As a result, he isn’t able to commit to you.

“I never cared about her!”

When the topic of his ex comes up, does he downplay the significance of his past relationship?

If he was with her for years, but acts as if it was no big deal only a few weeks later, you can be sure he hasn’t dealt with the loss of the relationship and is just trying to bury it, rather than process what has happened.

That’s a pretty clear sign that he’s just trying to outrun his feelings via a rebound, and is a clear sign that he’s not going to be able to invest in your relationship. This is a guy who needs time and space, unfortunately, rather than a new girlfriend.

He’s a serial rebounder

You know how some guys are never single? That’s a pretty good sign that he never takes the time to be alone and see himself for who he is, nor does he want to actually process his feelings.

You can be sure that he’s not going to be able to fully commit emotionally to you, especially if he’s the sort that’s always cut bait for someone else whenever things have gotten tough. And yes, this is the way quite a few guys are.

His ex is still in his life (and she never really left)

Look, some guys and gals can be in a relationship, and then later be friends.

Even in those cases, though, they need time apart after their breakup to get their lives back in order and to heal emotionally, so that they’re not still dealing with those emotions when they see each other again, and so that they can actually build a friendship, rather than the remnants of a relationship.

If you note that his ex is still in his life, and that they haven’t taken that requisite time apart to heal, you can be pretty sure that at least one of them is still pining for the other, which is not a healthy situation, nor one you want to be in the middle of.

It’s all about sex

If your new relationship is all about the physical stuff, that’s fine – if that’s what you want. Maybe the sex is incredible. If none of the romance and emotional connection is there, though, it could be because he isn’t able to give that to you, because that side of himself is still broken and healing.

If that’s what you’re looking for in a relationship, then you might need to back away for a little while until he can get himself in order again.

He’s known you for awhile, but his interest is new

If he’s a long-term friend, but has never shown any interest in you, and now suddenly does? That should catch your attention, because it could very well be that he’s simply substituting your friendship for the emotional void he feels having lost his ex.

Many men are terrible at this: They lose the woman who has been their confidant and emotionally support, and rather than give themselves time to heal, they immediately turn to the next woman they’re close to, hoping that she can step in and fill that yearning need.

And if that’s you? Uh-oh. He’s into you because you’re available, and you’re his friend, not because he wants a long-term future with you.

He tries to control you

This doesn’t always apply, but if he had his heart smashed by his ex (especially if she cheated), he may try and keep it from happening again by trying to control you.

While understandable that he wouldn’t want to put himself in a situation where he could be hurt again, it also isn’t healthy. For your relationship to have long-term success, you have to be able to trust each other, and a controlling relationship isn’t that.

Your gut tells you not to trust it

We all have amazing intuition when we learn to trust it. So ask yourself: Would he leave if he thought he could get back with his ex? If the answer is yes, you’re a rebound chick, and you know it in your gut.

Being a rebound chick may or may not be what you’re looking for. As a rebound, odds are good you’re not going to get the emotional support you need from a guy if he’s just using you for the moment.

But if you’re aware of the signs of a rebound, you can be in control of your decisions and your relationship, because you can recognize where he is emotionally based on his actions.

If you need to, walk away and give them the space to heal. And when they’re ready, you can pursue a real and meaningful relationship then if you still want to.

Why Do Guys Only Want to Sleep With Me?

why do guys only want to sleep with me

You’re looking for a relationship, but keep striking out: It seems like guys only ever want to sleep with you, and you can’t help but wonder why.

After all, friends of yours have found great guys and meaningful relationships, and you know you’re a catch, so what’s the problem?

The truth is, there are lots of reasons why guys might only want to sleep with you – and plenty of them are more a reflection on the guys than they are on you.

It’s Him, Not You

Plenty of guys have realized they can get sex without the relationship, and have decided that’s what they want. Or perhaps they lack emotional depth, and aren’t capable of a meaningful relationship beyond sex.

Lots of guys have come to realize that some women want male attention badly enough that they’ll agree to sex – regardless of whether or not there’s any form of relationship attached to it – because some guys make it clear that’s the only way they’ll give their attention, even if the woman really wants a relationship, and not just sex.

The hard part is that by agreeing to sex, she’s given the guy all of the power in the relationship, without him taking on any of the emotional responsibility of a healthy relationship.

And if a guy can get sex without needing to emotionally connect, well, plenty of guys think that sounds like a pretty dreamy scenario.

Who are You Attracted to?

Yes, plenty of guys want a deep, meaningful relationship – but they may not be the guys you’re immediately most attracted to, because the guys who play the field also tend to be the most immediately attractive, confident, and popular guys.

So if you keep ending up with guys who only want sex, think about what type of guy they are and trust your gut to recognize a player when you meet one.

Know When to Drop Him

Some of the above are beyond your control – you can’t force who’s not looking for a relationship to want one.

But there are some things you can control, so that the men attracted to you are more likely to be relationship material than booty calls.

The first and most obvious is if a guy is a player, or only interested in you for sex, move on.

Yes, this means you’ll likely be dumping quite a few guys, and some of them may be guys you’re really attracted to, but if you want a relationship that isn’t just sex, it’s for your own good – because guys who are just after sex aren’t going to be able to give you the relationship you want.

They’re not interested in that, nor are they likely capable.

Date Men Who Want What You Want

Another obvious but often ignored dating tactic is to focus on the guys who are looking for a real relationship.

And I don’t just mean guys who pay lip service to the idea of a relationship on their Tinder profile; I mean guys who legitimately want to get to know you for you, and are interested in all of you, not just your body.

Be Strategic with What You Showcase

Last but not least, think about how you present yourself and what you emphasize. In a perfect world, you could wear whatever you wanted, walk however you wanted, and guys everywhere would treat you with the respect you deserve.

Unfortunately, that isn’t the world we live in.

Lots of guys are pigs. That’s not a reflection on you. But every woman also knows how to exude different vibes and emphasize different things. If your normal walk emphasizes your hips and butt, or if you make a habit of showing off your cleavage, those are things guys are going to focus on.

No, that’s not fair to you – but it is a reality.

Instead of meeting guys in bars, talk to people at museums, or go birdwatching with a group. Sharing interests with someone makes it more likely they’re going to be interested in you for you, rather than for your body.

Present yourself as an elegant woman, demanding of his respect, and you’re more likely to get it.

Save the Sexy for Later

With that, think about how you date. Flirtation is a good way to show interest, but do you jump straight into sex talk? Yes, you want him to be interested in sleeping with you – but you also probably don’t want it to be the only reason he’s interested in you.

Save the sex talk for after you’ve gotten to know each other a little better, and have determined that you’re compatible as people. When you’ve developed emotional compatibility, the physical connection and chemistry will come naturally with time.

When you focus entirely on the physical connection, however, it can be difficult to build the same level of emotional connection.

Be Picky

Don’t forget that you can be picky! For many men, the difference between someone they would sleep with and someone they would be in a relationship can be quite large – even though for many women, they have to be at least interested in the possibility of a relationship in order to sleep with someone.

In other words, he doesn’t need to see you as a relationship material to want to sleep with you – and very often, if he really just wants to sleep with you, you’ll know because he’ll push things in that direction. You, of course, don’t have to agree to go that way.

For instance, if the only time you hear from him is late at night when he wants some action, you don’t have to respond. In your actions, demand he treat you with respect and attention, and if he doesn’t, cut him loose.

This can be tremendously difficult – but trust me when I say most guys who are interested in a girl for more than just sex are willing to wait, and are willing to do things on her terms, because they want to see where things can go.

The FWB Trap

Don’t let yourself fall into the friends with benefits category if what you’re really looking for is a relationship. This is related to the previous point, but if guys know they can get sex, they’ll take it without expecting anything more.

Guys aren’t too picky when it comes to FWB territory, but they are when it comes to relationships. If you’re letting yourself fall in FWB territory, it’s likely he’ll never look at you as a possibility for anything more.

Be willing to let guys loose as soon as it appears they’re only interested in sex, and stress your other attributes, like your intelligence and interests, and you’ll be far more likely to land a fellow worthy of your time and interest.

In the meantime, don’t take the guys who are interested only in sex personally. Be pickier with your screening process, but remember that these men don’t determine your worth. There are a lot of douchebags out there – and that’s not a reflection on you.

17 Signs He Just Wants To Get In Your Pants

signs he just wants to get in your pants

He’s been sniffing around lately and acting all interested but you can’t help but look for signs he just wants to get in your pants.

After all, this is something that most women of most ages has had to deal with.

The good news is that quite often, if a guy just wants sex from you, it’s easy enough to tell.  The more straightforward ones may even admit they’re just looking for a no-strings-attached sex partner or fuck buddy.

Other times, though, guys might not be so honest with you, because they may think they’re more likely to get laid if they tell you what they think you want to hear.

When that happens, it’s all about listening less to what he’s saying, and putting more stock in his actions.

So what do you look for when you get the feeling that this guy is trying to use you for sex? Here’s 17 signs he just wants to get in your pants and isn’t looking for anything more!

He disappears

When a guy is really into you, they’re communicative. When they just see you as sex, though? Not so much.

He’ll be communicative when he’s looking to get laid, and otherwise disappear when he has other things going on, because he doesn’t value his communication with you except as a means to an end, namely sex.

So if he disappears on you regularly , you can guess how he values you: He just wants to get into your pants.

He doesn’t put in an effort

Similarly, if when he was first hooking up with you he put in a bunch of work to impress you, but doesn’t feel the need to do that anymore? He sees you as a way to get laid, not as someone he’s still trying to woo.

That’s a pretty clear sign it’s about the sex for him, and not the relationship.

He bails, regularly

If he regularly cancels on you, it’s because you aren’t a priority. Maybe that’s a bit blunt, but if he just sees you as miss sexy fun time, and not as someone he otherwise values in his life, he isn’t going to be there except when he wants to get laid.

Honestly? This says more about him than it does about you. It tells you he isn’t ready for any kind of meaningful relationship, or the commitment that comes with those relationships. It tells you he isn’t very mature, and that he doesn’t value anyone’s time but his own.

And you have options. Feel free to tell him that you have certain expectations of him if he wants to stay in your life; there’s no reason you have to put him with his crap, and if he’s not willing to put an effort into being with you, feel free to cut him loose.

He only cares about getting off

Look, if he sees you as a means to an end, and just wants to be with you so he can get off, odds are good he’s not even going to be a very good lay for you. After all, that’s one of the key characters of men who suck in bed.

A romp in the sheets that’s over in minutes is good only for him, and is a pretty clear sign he doesn’t care about you.

If, on the flip side, he’s all about finding out what you like, what drives you wild, and makes an effort to make sure he’s doing what he can to satisfy you?

That’s a sign he might have feelings for you. So pay attention to how he is a lover. Most guys are quite capable of rising to the occasion and taking care of their woman; whether or not they make that effort is a pretty clear sign of how they feel about you as a lover and a person.

He isn’t open with you

Lots of guys get a reputation as being closed-off emotionally, and perhaps with good reason. But just as often, that’s an act. If he really wants to be with you, he’s going to make the effort to connect with you emotionally and build a relationship.

If instead, though, you find that when you try to connect emotionally he just pulls away, it can often be because he isn’t interested in a relationship, or the vulnerability or trust that a relationship requires, because he’s just there for sex.

Lots of “friendly” women in his life

If you notice that he keeps explaining all of these other women in his life are “friends,” that might actually be the case. But it’s just as likely that those are other women he’s either slept with before or wants to sleep with in the future.

Having friends of the opposite gender is certainly possible, but if you note that all of these female friends keep showing up in what seem like inappropriate ways for what you know friendship looks like, it could also just as easily be that he doesn’t seem them as friends — but just calls them friends when he’s with you because he likes having sex with you, and doesn’t want to ruin that.

As always, pay attention to his actions, not his words.

His dates are always last-minute

When a guy really wants to be with you, he wants to make plans to be around you and with you in advance, because it’s something he looks forward to.

If he just sees you as a way to get laid, though, he’s not going to plan that a week in advance. Instead he might text you that day (or maybe the day before) to see if you can do something.

That limited notice? It’s because he’s horny. And might even reflect that plans with other women have fallen through. So pay attention to how he plans his time with you and the effort he puts into seeing you.

He hasn’t added you on social media

If he hasn’t added you to his social media accounts, it could very well be that he’s hiding something. If he’s really into you, he’ll likely try and add you on his social media networks immediately.

If he just wants sex, though, he might not — quite possibly because he doesn’t want you to see other images or connections that might give you an idea that you’re not the only woman in his life.

He might even say something like how he doesn’t add people he’s dating, but odds are good this won’t pass the smell test, so trust your gut here; he’s likely playing the field, and just trying not to get caught.

His stories don’t add up

Related to that, he may well be lying to you, either to impress you (so he can sleep with you) or to keep things from you (so he can sleep with you), but most guys are not very good liars.

We can’t keep straight what we’ve said when or where or to who, and if you’re paying attention, you’ll note some things just don’t feel right or fit right. That isn’t a good sign that he respects or trusts you. Instead, he’s just trying to use you for sex.

You get a vibe

Look, we all have pretty good intuitive bullshit meters, whether we choose to listen to them or not.  If you get the vibe that he’s a skeezeball or playing the field? He probably is!

I was on several sports teams in college. I knew who the sketchy guys were even before they shared all their conquest stories at practice, and most of the smart women I knew got the exact same vibe from those guys.

It might just be a feeling, or it might be the lines he uses, or it may even be the way he checks out other women even while he’s with you — but you know. So if your gut tells you he’s trouble, listen to it!

His phone is off-limits

Pay attention to how he keeps his phone when he’s around you. If it’s upside-down or otherwise out of reach, he might be trying to hide something. If he flips out if you playfully reach for his phone, think about why that might be. W

hen guys are playing the field, they have to keep their ladies from finding out about each other, and the easiest way to do that is to protect their phone.

He always wants to stay in

Similarly, if he always wants to stay in, think about why. Is he afraid someone will see the two of you together? Maybe there’s a legitimate reason — like he can’t afford to go out, for instance — but this can definitely be a warning sign.

He has secrets

If his natural habit when you ask him something is to deflect, that’s not a good sign.

Obviously, for many guys, it takes us time to trust the woman we’re with and open up, but trust your gut on this: If it feels like he’s hiding things, he probably is.

He only sees you at strange times

You don’t get consecutive nights, or the full weekend. Instead you might get a quickie during the week, or a 2 AM bar close booty call.

Those are clear signs he’s just into you for sex. This is especially true if he routinely declines to see you on weekend nights, Friday and Saturday, since if he’s just trolling for sex, those are the best nights for him to pick someone up at the bar.

If you’re a known commodity, but he’s out looking for someone else, that’s a pretty clear sign he’s just looking for sex. It doesn’t get much more obvious than that.

You haven’t met his friend

Or if you have, it’s only been in passing, a chance for him to show off the hottie he’s sleeping with. If he values you and sees you as a relationship material, he’s going to want his friends to weigh in and get to know you.

If he just sees you as a sexy plaything, though, there’s no reason for him to socialize you into the group.

He only texts

Look, texting is easy. But if you only ever get texts from him, that can be a sign of a great number of troubling things.

He might be copying-and-pasting his texts to any number of potential hook-ups. He might be texting while he’s with someone else.

The truth is, when it comes to really getting to know someone, talking on the phone is far more effective. If he only ever wants to text, that could be a sign that he’s interested in your body, not in you.

He avoids commitment

This can be both short-term (making plans a week in advance, for instance) or longer-term. The truth is, he’s not interested in a relationship; he’s interested in sex.

And if that’s all he sees you as, he’s not going to want a relationship down the road, either.

How to Get an Emotionally Unavailable Man to Open Up

how to get an emotionally unavailable man to open up

By the time you start looking for tactics on how to get an emotionally unavailable man to open up, you’ve already tried everything in your arsenal.

And still, it feels like pulling teeth every time you try to get him to open up and connect with you.

It almost feels like there’s nothing you can do to wheedle and coax him into a fulfilling emotional connection.

The short (unfortunate) reason why it feels so impossible is that it probably is. After all, emotionally unavailable men are that way in the first place because they don’t know how to access their feelings, much less share them.

If you are able to do so, it’s extremely difficult, and requires very careful navigation, and even then, isn’t by any means guaranteed to work.

Alright. Are you sufficiently warned off? Because again, the short answer is that you probably can’t get an emotionally unavailable man to open up, because most likely he simply isn’t capable.

But, if you’re still convinced you need to try, take it from me: The worst thing you can do is make the mistakes most women make in trying to get their emotionally unavailable man to open up, and as a result, inadvertently push him away.

So listen carefully to the suggestions I have below, and best of luck!

Start with appreciation

First, appreciate how he currently expresses himself emotionally. For many otherwise emotionally unavailable men, this is very different that what women expect when they think of emotional response.

For instance, many women naturally talk about their feelings. This is how they process and work through their emotions. For men, however, this can be absolute torture, as many of us would much prefer to work through things in silence, or via physical activity. (Yes, sometimes that means burying it, which isn’t healthy, but that isn’t always the case.)

In any case, though, expecting your man to express himself emotionally in the way you would isn’t fair to either of you. And pressuring him to talk about how he’s feelings can often make things worse for me who are emotionally unavailable, as they don’t know how to access those feelings very readily.

As a result, you’re essentially setting them up to fail, which generally isn’t considered a recipe for success.

Instead, if you want me to grow and learn how to be able to open up to you — and again, I caution you that for many emotionally unavailable men, this may never happen — you have to give him space and time to process his feelings as he knows how. This may well be in silence, which could very well be the exact opposite of how you normally process your emotions.

Don’t push him

As we’ve discussed previously, helping an emotionally unavailable man learn to express his feelings means giving him time and space. Yet, as his partner, it may well be your natural inclination to try and push him forward.

Resist that urge. If you push him, it’s going to feel either like you’re pressuring him, like you’re nagging him, or both.

When you push him to do something he doesn’t know how to do, or may not want to do, it feels to him like a trap, and may well do more to push you apart than bring you together — the exact opposite of your goal of helping him open up to you.

So hard as it may be, don’t try to make your guy talk about his feelings.

Instead, do everything you can to make it a safe space, so that when (and if) he’s ready to talk about his feelings with you, he can.

Given that he naturally has a really difficult time connecting with his feelings, your ability to help him feel safe can make a huge difference; pressuring him, on the other hand, can make something that is already tremendously difficult for him unfortunately even harder.

Use humor and positivity

Both of these things can help ease the pressure he may feel to try and share his feelings with you, which may in turn make it easier for him to open up. Remember, it may well be that he wants to open up with you, but just doesn’t know how.

In that case, helping him feel at ease is key, and for many men, humor is a great way to put them at ease. Talking seriously about feelings, on the other hand, can make men who already struggle with their emotions feel even more ill-at-ease.

Recognizing that this is difficult for them, keeping things lighthearted can help them open up if they’re ever going to be able to do so.

Again, though, keep in mind that many emotionally unavailable men may never be able to open up, no matter how hard you work at making them feel at ease to explore their feelings.

After all, if they’ve made it this long without really ever learning to address their feelings, there’s no guarantee they’ll ever be able to do so in the future.

That can be a tremendously difficult thing to hear, so if you hear nothing else, please hear this: It’s not your fault. Your partner’s emotionally unavailability isn’t a reflection on you, not in any way, shape, or form. And whether or not you’re able to help them open up is likewise not a reflection on you.

So please, be as gentle (or even more so!) with yourself as you are with your partner. Learning to deal with emotions, especially the unavailable emotions of your distant partner, is hard, hard work! So be gentle, and best of luck!

8 Tell Tale Signs She Wants a Relationship With You

Signs She Wants a Relationship With You

There comes a time when you know you want more than a fling. It’s right about the time you start looking for signs she wants a relationship with you.

It goes something like this: You’ve been dating her for a while and you’ve gone totally ga-ga. You think she’s positively beautiful inside and out. You’d like to see her a few times a week. Hell, even your friends are telling you that you’d be crazy to stop seeing her.

And it’s true – you’re absolutely enamoured with this girl. The only problem? You have no idea as to where you two stand.

This is probably one of the most frustrating parts of dating. A lot of it revolves around the reality of trying to read the other person’s mind. When you’re doing this with even the loveliest woman, it’s natural to feel like you’re playing a game of mission impossible.

One minute it seems like she’s up, the next it seems like she’s down.

But you’re just looking for signs to answer this simple question in your mind: “Are we a thing?”

If you’re in this situation then not to worry – we’ve compiled a list of 8 easy-to-spot signs she wants a relationship with you. If you breeze through this list, nodding in agreement, you’ll have all the assurance you need to finally have that talk!

She introduces you to her friends

Do not take it lightly when a girl finally introduces you to her friends, because it’s a really big deal. Generally a girl won’t let her buddies meet a mister until she feels he’s worth keeping around.

Women never go out of their way to integrate a guy into their lives unless they truly think they’ve met boyfriend material.

She wants you to meet her family

This is huge! You can rest assured that she sees you as more than eye candy when she gets you to shake her mom or dad’s hand. This is definitely a sign of approval, and she wants her parents to take a liking to you, too.

That would mean you can all spend more time together in the future, and they will become trusting of your presence in her life.

She asks if you want to hang out on weekdays

Usually if a girl wants to keep it only casual, she’ll stick to seeing you on the weekends when she doesn’t have to take time out of her busy schedule.

You know you’re really in if she invites you to the baseball game on a Wednesday night or even to a restaurant on a Thursday for a delicious plate of sushi.

She doesn’t mind paying

Generally speaking, girls appreciate the gesture of you footing the bill for the first few dates because let’s face it – chivalry is hot. But when a girl’s really digging you she won’t hesitate to take her wallet out and pay the bill pronto.

Money should never be the centre of a relationship, but signs like this can signal the start of one.

She spends the night at your place

In the initial stages of dating the girl might come to your place but leave after a couple of hours to go home. When a girl truly loves your presence she’ll embrace entire nights with you.

You know she’s interested in a relationship when she’s become comfortable with you like this – maybe even with her makeup off. Take it as a compliment!

She holds your hand in public

It might seem like a little thing, but girls take holding hands really seriously. When she doesn’t mind holding your hand in public you know that she feels proud to be with you.

What she’s trying to really tell you is that you’re definitely boyfriend material.

She calls you

Forget texting – when a girl takes time to actually dial your number, you know she’s hooked. Girls only talk to a guy on the phone when they’ve become attached.

This shows that she loves making time for you, and it might be a great opportunity for you to bring up the subject of exclusivity.

She does cute things for you

Girls only go out of their way to make a kind gesture if they feel the other person is someone worth investing in. As an example, if you’ve developed a cold, she might bring you chicken soup to show you she cares.

She might bring a coffee to you at work or buy you the book you mentioned you wanted to get. If this happens, spring for it!

11 Signs Your Hookup Has Feelings for You

signs your hookup has feelings for you

Guys aren’t always very honest with themselves, much less with you, and so it can be hard to know — regardless of what he says — whether he wants a relationship with you or just to have sex with you.

And not that there’s anything wrong with hooking up and not wanting more — sometimes that’s exactly what you need.

But other times you might be looking for more, and it can be hard to tell if the guy you’re seeing is that guy or not.

Even if you ask him what he’s looking for, he might not be self-aware enough to really know what he sees in you. So instead, you’ll be better served by paying attention to his actions.

‘Cause your mother was right: actions do speak louder than words.

So what are the signs your hookup has feelings for you? Watch for these behaviors – they’re pretty clean signals that he sees you as more than just a sexy hookup and that he instead has feelings for you.

He communicates regularly and quickly

Look, guys love sex, but no matter how much we love it, we’re only going to text or call you when we want to get laid if we see you as a hookup.

If you note that your guy is calling or texting you more often than that, you can be sure he’s got feelings for you, and if it gets to be every day, he’s looking for a relationship, whether he can admit that to himself or not.

He tries to know you

If he thinks of you as just a hookup, let’s be real: He’s not going to care much about who you are as a person, except as a means to an end. He’ll ask the questions he thinks will get him laid, and that’ll be that.

If he’s asking the kind of questions that make it clear that he’s really trying to get to know you, though, that’s a sign that he cares more about you, and really wants to learn who you are as a unique and special person, because he thinks there’s an opportunity for you two to become more.

His eyes are only for you

If you see a pretty girl go by and his eyes follow, that’s not a good sign. If, however, a pretty girl goes by and he doesn’t even notice, that’s a pretty clear sign that you’re the girl he cares about, and he sees you as more than just sex.

He takes his time

It can be infuriating when you’re with someone that’s in no rush to get to the good stuff, but if he doesn’t try to bed you immediately, there can sometimes be a really good reason: He cares about you, and doesn’t want to blow it.

If he’s just into you for sex, he may feign wanting to take it slow so that you’ll let your guard down and he’ll get laid sooner.

But if you note that he legitimately wants to take it slow, that can be a really good sign that he sees you as real relationship material, not just a hottie he can sleep with.

He doesn’t want casual dating

He might even just come out and say as much. For some guys, they know this already—they want something serious, and not just an ongoing carousel of hookups.

This is about as clear a sign as you can get that if he’s continuing to go out with you, he sees you as more, because he’s already told you he doesn’t just want casual sex.

He introduces you to his friends

There are two ways this can go. If he sees you as a hookup, he might introduce you to a few of his friends as a way of bragging or showing you off, but that’ll usually be in passing and he likely hopes it will help him get laid.

If he sees you as more than that, though, he might want to show you off, sure, but he also wants to make sure his friends approve, just like he’ll want to make sure you like his friends.

He may seem less confident

Because if he has feelings for you, that can make him feel nervous, less confident, and it will show. If he’s shy and apprehensive, it could very well be because he cares so much what you think.

He doesn’t want to scare you off. Instead, if he just sees you as an opportunity for sex, he may be cocky and not care what you think.

He’s all about PDA

If he’s affectionate with you in public, he wants other people to know you’re together. If he’s holding your hand and kissing you in public, he’s not worried about another hookup (or potential hookup) seeing the two of you together; in fact, he wants them to see you, because he sees himself as with you.

He wants to date you

And I don’t just mean drinks followed by sex. I mean real dates. If he wants to impress and woo you, it’s because he has feelings for you. Guys just don’t try that hard otherwise.

He never ignores you

When he sees a text from you, he responds immediately. For meaningless hookups, he might wait hours (so as to seem cool and detached), but if he can’t help but respond immediately to you, it’s because he’s into you, and he doesn’t want to wait to talk to you.

He’s personal with you

I mean he’s willing to share who he really is, including the stories that might be embarrassing or not make him look so great.

That level of trust means he wants to be vulnerable with you, because he wants to be emotionally connected to you. That’s relationship-building actions there, not the actions of someone who just wants sex.

So even if he says “let’s just keep things casual,” these are pretty clear signs he wants more, or at the very least, his feelings for you want more, regardless of how self-aware and conscious of those feelings he may or may not be.

And it’s not hard to see any of those signs. Trust your gut, and pay attention to how he acts toward you. It likely won’t be hard to tell at all if he’s into you, or just your body, if you’re paying attention.

Dating for Three Months But Not Official…Move On Or Wait?

dating for three months but not official

Some of the most frustrated women you’ll find out there are dealing with the same dilemma: They’ve been dating a guy for a while, but nothing’s been made official.

If you’re one of these women, this is obviously a problem for several different reasons. For starters, you can’t help but think you need him in your life because you’ve become attached. Your day isn’t complete without his morning text message and a night without his evening phone call can lead to hours of lost sleep.

You try telling yourself that labels are old school and to “grow up,” yet you can’t ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

To further add to the misery is that deafening voice in your head that keeps saying: It’s been THREE FREAKING MONTHS and you want him to be your boyfriend – are you really asking for so much? And why, oh why, hasn’t he said anything yet?

To point you in the right direction we’ve compiled a list of scenarios so you can decide whether or not you should move on or wait.

He’s weighing his options

It’s been three months but he says he’s not ready to commit because he wants to see who else is out there. This is a HUGE red flag.

You didn’t go out with this guy for three months to hear there could be other women on the offer. You need to respect yourself and ditch him. Fast.

He’s emotionally unavailable

After a period of time you might notice this guy is holding back emotionally, and this could be happening for a variety of different reasons. Some men are just plain shy and take added time to warm up.

Proceed carefully with this one, especially if you’ve been dating for three months. If the frustration feels like too much, it’s probably time for you to say sayonara.

On the flipside, some guys have brutal commitment phobias that seem difficult to erase. Often these relationships fail, but that tends to be in the guy’s hands.

Some good old-fashioned therapy could really help, but he has to want to do that. If you’re totally loco over this guy then you won’t mind. If you’re not 100% then it’s probably time to jump ship and move on – as hard as that might be.

He’s a jerk

You might not think he’s a jerk, so to double check, just ask your friends. If they’ve met him a couple of times then they’ll feel his vibes and can serve you some pretty damn good guidance as to whether or not you should ditch this guy.

There are several hallmark signs of a total jerk. Generally speaking, these guys don’t like taking you out to dinner and they’ll never stay over for the entire night.

They have no interest in hearing about your life and will tune you out mid conversation. They will ghost you for days and answer your text messages very sparingly. It’s a crappy way to be treated, but sometimes we can’t help but to be attracted to the wrong people.

Jerks often avoid being in relationships because they want to enjoy the good stuff (like sex) without any strings attached. That’s convenient, after all, and it gives them space to do whatever they want.

If any of this resonates with you then chances are that he really is a jerk and he’s using you. In this scenario, you’re way better off single – truly. After all, he’s taking and taking without giving much back. What’s in it for you?

He’s “just dealing with personal issues”

Many guys use this one to buy themselves more time. They’ll throw you any excuse possible to avoid the issue of exclusivity. They might have a nasty ‘cold,’ be dealing with ‘family issues,’ or tell you some random issue has made their lives ‘so complicated.’

Don’t fall for that sort of crap! Look at it this way: You either like someone or you don’t. If he’s giving you mixed signals then put yourself first. This one may seem extremely special now that you have your love blinders on but there are many men out there and yes, many of them can even commit.

He likes you too much

This is one of the worst concepts ever but it happens in real life all the time. He’ll tell you that he’s so bedazzled and obsessed over you that he’s doing you a favor by not putting a label on your relationship.

He’ll say you’re soooo amazing that he just doesn’t want to hurt you, so let’s keep it casual! Yes, even after three months.

In actuality, this excuse makes zero sense and has no place in reality. He’s definitely hiding something from you and that’s the one thing here that’s crystal clear. Time to say see ya’ never.