Dating as a plus size woman has its own set of challenges, doesn’t it? I started out as a young woman with an athletic build, thanks to playing lots and lots of sports growing up. Dating came easy, acceptance came easy and I took most of it for granted.

And then university happened and my world turned upside down. I gained the usual Freshman 15…within a few months and then kept gaining. My once 120lb frame took on more and more weight until I became a whopping 155lbs, all within my first year of university. That was probably all of the late night drinks, the 7x a day meal courses and my new boyfriend.

You could also probably guess my weight now if you follow the trend.

Because of this, my confidence was shut down. My opportunities started to feel smaller, and people started to doubt me when I said I used to be a dancer and an athlete. Their doubt only made my doubt for myself grow even bigger.

The doubts that began starting to consume me eventually ruined my relationship. I ended up single and undeniably fatter than ever.

Even worse, I didn’t know what to do. And I didn’t know how to put myself out there.

Eventually I was tired of feeling sorry for myself, and decided to take time and get to know myself better before putting myself out there. And here are the things I learned that helped me become more confident and ready to enter – and conquer – the dating scene…

Rejection Schmejection

As you know, I didn’t have the opportunity to deal with plus size women issues from the very beginning since until university, I was quite slim. And I used to take for granted the acceptance I automatically had just for my body shape.

So, as you can expect, I had very thin skin when I became a plus size girl and had to deal with rejection and judgment every single day of my life.

The silver lining to this is that I’ve since developed some pretty thick a** skin.

It’s not that rejection doesn’t sting – it always will – but it becomes so much easier to brush off when you accept that rejection is a normal part of the dating experience (and overall life experience).

The truth is that some people just won’t like you and you know what? That’s totally okay. Think of rejection not as a reflection of you but rather just the universe quickly and efficiently weeding out those people who are just not right for you.

This instantly transforms the sting of rejection and that annoying little voice in your head that wants to pop up and say, “What’s wrong with me?!” into a stronger voice that says, “Thanks, universe, now send me some good ones!”

Size Matters…If You Let It

Think it’s your size that’s keeping you from living the life you’ve always wanted? Think again. If you look around the great big world, you’ll see a great deal of women who are way bigger than you leading happy, fulfilled lives.

What’s their secret? Did they find some magical way of convincing society to change its biases? Do they have some magic powers that makes everyone love them?

No, the simple truth of it is that they they chose to be happy. They chose to believe that their size will not hinder them from finding true love, doing the things they’ve always wanted to do and living the life they’ve always wanted.

And lo and behold…they got their wishes. Maybe its time for the rest of us to accept that life isn’t perfect but it’s not the size of our bodies holding us back – it’s the size of our imaginations.

Respect Begets Respect

I remember back in high school, I had this history professor who started the year with the phrase, “Respect Begets Respect.” She really drilled it into our heads that respect is earned. If you wanted to be respected, you have to first respect yourself, and then respect others in order for them to give you the same respect.

And with dating and meeting new people, I realized that as a plus size woman, whining about my weight won’t attract the right people. I have to be able to respect myself, before I am able to actually let others come into my life.

I have to get to know myself, love and respect myself first.

And I did. And this made it easier to respect my partner for who they are and enjoy dating a lot more. It also helped me understand that respecting myself and my partner means acknowledging their imperfections, as well as mine. And I think that’s the best part to be honest.

Dress Fabulously

When it comes to what you adorn your body with – seriously, you do you. Don’t ever let anyone say you can’t wear that cute top or awesome skirt just because you’re not a size 0.

There’s a reason why most clothing brands like Forever 21 and H&M have a plus size section. And maybe they don’t always fit right, but that’s what a tailor is for and the fact that they offer cute clothes for women like us, makes it much easier for us to feel confident.

I used to think that clothes and makeup were like my weapons. Just like how some women find expensive lingerie and make those their power undies. And for me its both clothes and makeup.

Whenever I want to feel more confident than I am already am, I would dress the part. I would like to remind you guys, that you are not dressing for him (or maybe her), but you are dressing for yourself. ‘Cause being decked out in an outfit that makes you feel cute as hell is actually sexy as hell.

Plus, don’t you want to be that girl, who maybe didn’t have a great date, but was able to make the day better by finding something else to do because of that little boost of sexy right there.

So find something, like maybe a lucky dress that hugs your curves nicely or a new, favorite shade lipstick. Anything that makes you feel good.

Not All Problems are Weight Related

If you finally landed yourself a great guy (or gal), don’t ever make any relationship issue that you might encounter be about your weight.

Because it’s not about your weight. When they say yes to you. Or when they ask you to become theirs. They have already accepted you for who you are. They already love you, humps and lumps and all that.

So if you’re ever experiencing any problems. Make sure that you take your weight out of the table, and make it about you and your partner. Because that’s what it comes down to.

Don’t Settle

Ladies, I want you guys to always remember to never settle. I think we already know how bad settling for someone can get. And honestly? That could be one of the biggest mistakes you can make.

When you’re dating as a plus size woman, it can often be easy to be brainwashed by society to believe no one would like us for who we are.

But guess what? In reality, people do like us for who we are. It’s good to know that there’s this thing called preferences.

And in this freakin’ big world of ours, there’s plenty of room for a wide array of people who have a wide array of things that turn them on.

So ladies, if there’s something I want to impart with you besides self-respect and self-love…don’t settle for someone you’re not crazy about and who’s not crazy about you. Because you guys deserve the best of the best for you. And you will definitely find someone who will love you for who you are.