8 Subtle Signs He’s Sleeping With Someone Else

signs he's sleeping with someone else

Ideally, you find the perfect man—one you can trust, one you love, one you makes your insides melt, one who values you for all that you are, one that makes you more.

But it can take you a long time to find that man, and in the meantime, it can take some searching.

And, perhaps, some suspicion. If you see enough of these signs in your relationship, no matter how new or old, no matter how exciting or tested – it may be time to start paying a little more attention, because he just may be cheating on you and sleeping with someone else.

So what signs should you be watching for? Check out this list of subtle signs he’s sleeping with someone else.

One last note of caution before we jump in: These signs don’t necessarily mean he’s sleeping with someone else. You’ll still have to do your own detective work, or, depending on the relationship you have with him, ask him.

But these signs are frequently present when a guy cheats, so keep an eye out for them. Alright, here goes:

They take their time responding to your calls or texts

Of course, this isn’t a surefire signs he’s sleeping with someone else – it could just be that they’re busy, or it could be that they’re trying to put some distance between you—or it could be a sign that they’re with someone else, which is obviously not something you want.

This is especially concerning as a sign if they’ve historically been the kind of guy that immediately responds to your calls or texts.

Similarly, if there has never been a screen lock on their phone, but now suddenly there is, it may be that they’re trying to hide their call or text history from you.

Partners don’t hide things from each other, so be on the watch for these kind of behaviors; even if he isn’t cheating on you, odds are good you don’t have much of a future if he’s hiding from you in these ways.

Late nights and changes in plans

One of the more tell tale signs he’s sleeping with someone else is when their schedule changes unexpectedly, more often or they’re suddenly working more late nights.

Yes, sometimes peoples’ work schedule changes. This is one of those places to listen to your intuition. Has he always had a very steady work schedule, but now all of the sudden he’s regularly telling you he has to work late, that can be something to keep an eye on.

It could be that they’ve picked up an extra time-consuming project and they really are working late, but there are ways to get a feel for this. For instance, consider calling his place of work one of the nights he’s working late.

If he’s there, you know that he actually is working late—and you can tell him you were thinking about him, maybe even give him something to look forward to when he gets off work. If he’s not there, though, you know he’s lying to you.

Again, this isn’t sure proof he’s sleeping with someone else. For instance, maybe he’s lying about working late because he’s doing something else (or picked up a second job), but in either case, the fact that he lied to you should be concerning and worth further investigation, whether that’s trying to figure out what he actually does or point-blank asking him about it.

They jump in the shower immediately after getting home

Obviously, there are good reasons to jump in the shower when first home. For instance, maybe they just got back from the gym and they’re disgustingly sweaty. Or maybe they were helping a friend move. Or maybe they’re just the kind of guy who always showers after work. That’s not the sort of behavior to be concerned about.

Instead, I mean this behavior is concerning if it isn’t normal for them. And it may be a sign that they’re in a hurry to wash off the sex smell of the person they’re sleeping with off.

For other cheating men, this may be a lack of intimacy when they first get home, a need to jump in the bathroom or otherwise gather themselves before they can give themselves to you.

Unless they’re more emotionally damaged than most men I know, juggling relationships (even if one or more of them is only physical) is hard. It takes a toll.

Taking a shower or otherwise seeming strangely withdrawn when first with you can be a sign of them needing time to switch from one relationship (their relationship with the person they’re sleeping with on the side) to another (with you).

You don’t feel valued

If they’ve historically been very attentive to you, your needs, and your emotions, but suddenly aren’t, that’s a pretty clear sign that they aren’t valuing you the way they previously have.

Yes, there are other possible explanations: Perhaps they’re feeling bogged down in their own issues, or have a lot on their mind, and as such aren’t as able to give you the same attention.

But it can also be that they don’t value you the same way they had, and that’s a problem, whether that’s because they’re lavishing that attention on someone else or simply pulling away.

If they’ve historically been very attentive to you, and now aren’t? That’s a sign your relationship isn’t in a good place, and you need to talk with him about what’s going on.

Maybe he simply needs to recommit himself to you and the future the two of you are trying to build together, or maybe he needs to be honest with you that he doesn’t see you in his future—but either way, you deserve better and his full attention. So if he isn’t giving you that, bring it up.

Their sexual behavior changes

Again, this doesn’t have to be a sign of cheating or sleeping with someone else. It can be that they’re simply trying to spice things up with you, or that they’re trying to find new ways to please you.

Sometimes changes in the bedroom are a good thing—especially if you like the new moves or he finds a new way to drive you crazy, for instance.

But if there are changes in sexual behavior, it’s worth investigating more. If it’s a new position, for instance, there are ways to ask about it without putting them on the defensive. Maybe he’s simply done some research (or picked it up from a porno), but it could also be that he picked it up from a new partner.

It can even be that you notice that they’re simply less present when you have sex. It can be that he has something else on his mind, but if it’s a regular occurrence, you should consider that he may just be going through the motions—because he’d rather be sleeping with someone else, for instance.

More concerning yet for you is if they’ve previously been a tiger, completely insatiable, and no regularly have excuses or just seemingly want less sex.

While this can be the result of outside stressors in their life (for instance, if work has been absolutely nuts for them lately, they really may just be too worn down), it can also be a sign that they’re getting that appetite sated elsewhere.

Of course, there is also the possibility that they’re simply distancing themselves from you, too. If your relationship has been in a funk for a while, this is also a possibility.

They become evasive in normal conversations

If you’ve historically had an open communication built on trust, if they start to evade certain line of questions or say things like “why does it matter?” that can be a sign that they’re trying to hide things from you.

While that may not be a relationship, it sometimes is, so consider this concerning—especially if other signs are also present.

The bigger problem here is that your partner isn’t someone you feel like is truthful with you in conversations, or is hiding things from you, then one of the foundational pieces of a relationship is broken between you, and that is a problem that needs to be addressed if you are going to have a future together.

He’s suddenly avoiding your friends and family

Especially if he’s historically been friendly with your circle of friends, your confidantes, and your family, this can be concerning. This means he’s either pulling away or feeling guilty, neither of which are good things, and in either case, you need to find out what’s going on.

So ask him. And trust your gut. If he tells you he’s just being feeling stressed out, for instance, and needed a chance to lay low, trust what you know of him.

He may be telling you the truth – or he may be hiding something. Either way, though, you may be surprised at how good your gut is at ferreting out the truth of what’s going on.

Their grooming changes

This is a huge red flag. If they’re suddenly grooming much more attentively than they have been—especially if you haven’t said anything about their grooming—you should wonder why that may be.

Maybe they’ve taken an interest because it seems to please you, but if that isn’t a plausible explanation, consider who their extra grooming is for. This is especially true if their below the belt grooming changes significantly.

That isn’t the sort of thing most people do unless there is a new partner that has asked them to do so.

Other signs to watch for…

Keep an eye out if his finances have suddenly changed (especially if he says he’s working more, and yet somehow seems to have less money), if he suddenly has a “friend” he keeps mentioning, if he suddenly has a second phone (even if he says it’s a “work” phone, this can be a ruse), if he suddenly can’t ever seem to keep tracks of the plans the two have you have made or is otherwise strangely forgetful, and lastly, watch for changes in his home.

While it’s doubtful you’ll find a pair of panties that aren’t yours, you may well pick up some changes that don’t fit if you keep your eye open if he is sleeping around on you. Most men are not that good at hiding it, so you’re likely to pick up on the signs.

In any case, trust your gut. Oftentimes if you are being cheated on, you will know before you know, if you know what I mean.

And obviously these aren’t the only signs you might see if someone is sleeping around on you, but they are the most common. And on the flip side, none of them are by themselves sure signs he’s sleeping with someone else.

Trust your gut if you think he might be sleeping with someone else, and pay attention to the signs you’re seeing in his behavior.

If he is sleeping with someone else, though, or you otherwise find you can’t trust him? Remember you deserve better. Living with an untrustworthy partner is a waste of your love, not healthy, and wholly unacceptable. You deserve better, so kick that bum out of your life.

How to Be a Bad Girl In Bed: A Guy’s Perspective

How to Be a Bad Girl In Bed

Wondering how to be a bad girl in bed? Join the club. Every girl has heard about the girls who are too nice to land the guy. Or has dated the guy who has made it clear he has a weakness for the bad girls—and has maybe even been cheated on by the guy with that bad girl.

But that doesn’t mean you want to be a bad girl all the time. Nor do guys necessarily want a relationship with the bad girls that can be so much fun to sleep with.

So how do you strike the balance? How do you ensure you can have a healthy relationship, while also giving him that bad girl kick? The truth is, it doesn’t have to be that hard.

Consider these tips from a guy that loves bad girls—and is thrilled his wife is a bad girl in bed while also having all the tools for a healthy, fulfilling long-term relationship.

Here’s how to be a bad girl in bed…

Communicate clearly—and with passion

When we’re having sex with you, we want to know you like it. We want to know how you like it. If you like something, let us know. Moan. Tell us how good it is. Tell us how hot it makes you.

Be blunt with us. Don’t beat around the bush. We’re not good at playing games. And that’s not why we look for a bad girl. We don’t want subtleties or nuance from you, least of all in the bedroom. We want bluntness, because damn, bluntness is sexy.

A few clarifications here: Don’t lie to us. If something isn’t working, don’t tell us it is. If we’re not “making you cum so hard,” don’t tell us we are. Because no matter how dumb we may sometimes seem, we do tend to eventually figure it out. Real passion can’t be faked, and that’s what’s hot: Real passion.

We want to make you cum so hard. But we want it to be real, no matter how good you may be at faking an orgasm, so tell us what works for you, and help us get you there. There is literally nothing hotter than knowing you enjoy sex with us.

(And if you really want to rev us up? Text us your favorite part the next day. Tell us on the phone what you want us to do to you that night. We love when you make it clear what you want from us in the bedroom, both with your words and your body.)

Accentuate the sexy

Look, there is nothing sexier than a woman who knows they’re sexy. Who knows they are a woman, with curves, and isn’t afraid to flaunt those curves.

We men are all about what we see, and there’s nothing sexier than seeing you, in all your glory. Naked, in sexy lingerie—what we want to see is you.

So if you can embrace your sexiness, that makes you all the sexier to us. We don’t care about whatever it is you’re insecure about—we care about you, and your beautiful body! You, naked and confident, is as sexy as it gets.

You want to be a bad girl? Consider letting us watch you masturbate. Not only is it sexy as hell, but it’s a clear indicator to us of what works for you, or it makes for amazing foreplay.


The art of knowing how to be a bad girl in bed all starts with one thing: confidence. And there’s a big difference between a woman who knows she’s been told she’s sexy and a woman who knows she’s sexy, and that difference is confidence.

And confidence is sexy. Bad girls are confident. They don’t care whether or not you think they’re sexy; they know they are. And that’s why we can’t resist bad girls—that confidence is intoxicating.

Enjoy foreplay

This isn’t just the willingness to masturbate for us as mentioned previously, it’s everything that makes foreplay, well, foreplay. It means you’re a responsive and emotive kisser, it means you appreciate the way some good dry humping can set the tone.

It means you know the value of a light touch to an erogenous zone. Good foreplay is all about finding what feels good, is fun, and exploring what revs our engine and yours.

Be an explorer

And if you’re willing to try anything that sounds fun, damn is that sexy. I don’t mean crazy kinky, either, not necessarily. Just a willingness to try whatever sounds fun is sexy. It’s naughty.

And it’s even better if you’re the one with the ideas, willing to suggest new things that sound fun—in bed, in the living room, in the shower, in the hot tub, in the park…you get the idea.

Celebrate your independence

Don’t get us wrong. We love the way you need us in bed—but that isn’t the same as being needy.

Bad girls are independent, fiercely so, willing to fight for what they want—and that aggressive independence, and the willingness to do what they need to assert it, is sexy as hell.

Like sex

Bad girls don’t see sex as an obligation, or something to do once in a while, or a mood that strikes occasionally. No, it’s something they like. Something they look forward to. Something they want.

And we love that! We love that you like sex. We love that with you we don’t have to beg for sex. We love that you suggest sex just as often as we do. We love that it’s a natural expression of affection between us, that it isn’t just for special occasions, birthdays, or after we give you jewelry.

But if you’re not feeling like sex, you know what else is crazy appealing about bad girls? A willingness to talk about sex. Tell us what turns you on, what helps you get in the mood—because we want to help get you there.

And even when that doesn’t get you there? Knowing what’s on your mind is going to help us grow closer—which is going to make the sex we have all that much better.

Want to please

There’s nothing sexier than a girl who loves to give good head and can vary what she’s doing based on our body’s response—sometimes even before we realize our body is responding in that way. That desire to really know our body? That’s a sure sign of a bad girl, and oh, do we men go crazy for it.

That means varying your range. Use us for sex, and let us use you. Ride us gently, and let us pound you. The desire to please means noting the emotional state we’re in, and determining what fits the mood we’re both in.

With the right bad girl, it seems like there’s nothing she wants more than to give us the best sex ever, and that is incredibly, incredibly sexy.

Want to learn

You know what else is incredibly sexy? A woman who wants to be good in bed. Because when a girl wants to be good in bed, they end up being great in bed.

Sex is a skill, and it’s something you can study and put work into, whether that’s lots of sex (preferably all with us), masturbation to figure out what gets you off and how, stories, and more.

A really bad girl doesn’t mean being our school girl—or schooling us. Bad girls help us share a mutual education: We learn you, and you learn us, and together we learn how to keep making our sex better and better and better.

Seduce us

There are times we want to use you. There are times we want you to use us. But there’s an art to seduction that the baddest girls know inside and out, and when they use their full charms to seduce us? We melt. There’s nothing sexier.

Give us your full attention

When you’re 100% into us, and we’re 100% into you, damn does that make for some great sex. That’s some good bad girl sex.

When we have the full undivided attention of a bad girl, it is intoxicating. That level of attention is a drug unto itself. And when we have it from you? We give it right back.

Compliment us

If you enjoy something, let us know. We’ll do the same for you. There is nothing sexier than confidence, compliments, and communication.

What Does It Mean When a Guy Wants to Wait?

what does it mean when a guy wants to wait

Look, most guys really enjoy sex. If you’ll let them, most guys will gladly have sex with you on the first date. They might think you’re easy, but they’re not going to complain about having sex.

But that isn’t all guys. And so when you meet the rare guy that doesn’t mind waiting, or even seems to be holding off on sex longer than you would prefer, it can be a little unsettling.

You may find yourself asking if something is wrong, or if he maybe isn’t that interested in you. You may start to question things. After all, this is hardly normal male behavior.

But there can be several completely normal (and even romantic or sweet!) reasons a guy wants to wait for sex.

So if you’ve been left wondering what does it mean when a guy wants to wait – check out some of the most common reasons below, as well as what that reason may mean for your future.

He’s a Bible-thumper

Let’s be honest: Even among fundamental Christians this is the exception rather than the rule, but some good Christian men actually do believe that sex should wait until marriage.

As far what this means for you? Well, that’s a little more complicated.

While you may think you want a husband who is all about “family values,” is that actually what you want? If you have any friends married to fundamental Christians, try and speak bluntly with them about what their marriage is like.

While many of them will say they are happy (and some of them may actually be happy, I suppose), those of them who are honest with you may be just as likely to tell you that the constant judging and subjugation can get pretty tiring.

Because let’s be real: When it comes to fundamentalist Christian relationships, the expectation is that you’ll be the good wife who does whatever her husband says, cooks all the meals, does all the chores, and pops out a bunch of good Christian babies. If that’s what you want from life, good for you.

If not, though? Buyer beware.

He might be gay

Okay, this one might not be as common as it once was, especially as cultural attitudes toward homosexuality slowly seem to be coming out of the dark ages.

But there are still plenty of parts of the country (and plenty of families) where being gay is seen as something shameful, wrong, or broken.

In such instances, can you blame a guy for trying not to be what his culture and family tell him he’s supposed to be? As a result, he may be all about the dating life because he thinks he has to be, but sex with a woman may just not be something he’s all that excited about.

That, of course, isn’t a mark against you. And if he really is gay, or more gay than straight on the spectrum, trying to force sex (as if you can turn him straight) isn’t exactly the kind of relationship you want, is it?

I mean, remember the key to a strong relationship is a truthful and honest relationship. How honest and truthful are you being with each other if he’s more interested in the same gender and you’re trying to force him into sex for an ego trip? Just…don’t. You’ll both regret it.

Old-fashioned gentleman

And then there’s the chance that he may just have old-fashioned ideas about what makes a gentleman.

This is less common, too, but there are still some men who think that a guy should wait for sex until he sees a long-term future with someone. That is, sex is the mark of a serious relationship, rather than something done purely for fun.

That isn’t to say these guys don’t enjoy sex, but simply that they don’t seek sex simply for enjoyment. If this is the reason he hasn’t tried to sleep with you yet, you need to decide how you feel about him.

Is he a casual fling in your mind, or do you see yourself potentially ending up with him? Because that’s the way he’s gauging whether or not he’s ready to sleep with you, and you need to be real honest and clear with your intentions in the relationship—both with yourself and with him—or someone could end up badly hurt.

He might be holding back to protect himself

Ask yourself this: Has he been burned badly before by a relationship? If so, that could be why he’s holding out.

When you start having sex with someone, it can change the emotional dynamic, and if he’s been burned before, especially if it was relatively recent, he may be holding back to protect himself in case you’re not as invested as he is.

This is especially true if he gets the feeling the two of you might be headed in different directions. For instance, is it a fling for you while you’re spending a summer interning? Then it might make sense that he’s holding back, especially if he knows you’re likely to leave at the end of the summer.

Some guys are sensitive, and holding back when it comes to sex may be one strategy they adopt to try and protect their heart and avoid unnecessary heartbreak.

If you think about it, it’s actually pretty sweet, in that they already care a great deal about you and are afraid that having sex with you will make it too hard for them to recover if and/or when you do leave.

He’s looking for something serious

This is similar to the previous point. For some men, sex is about an emotional connection, not just a physical one, and he may not want to spend that connection if you aren’t someone he can get serious with.

This is related to an old-fashioned idea of what makes a gentleman in some cases, but it can also be just as related to protecting himself from heartbreak or an idea of how he wants to spend his sexual capital.

It may just be that he values sex differently than some other men, and thinks it isn’t something he should share with anyone but a person he can see himself potentially spending the rest of his life with.

That isn’t necessarily saying he won’t sleep with you until the two of you are engaged, but it does mean he may be waiting until he sees signs that you’re just as head-over-heels about him as he is about you, and that you are in it for the long haul.

If this is the case, it might be worth asking him about his feelings, or why he’s waiting to have sex.

After all, clear communication and honesty is key if the two of you are going to make a lasting commitment to each other, and it’s never too early to start practicing that open and honest communication with each other.

He may be afraid sex is going to ruin the chemistry

For some men, a new relationship is about the chase, about getting to know each other over successive dates, and slowly building up a meaningful emotional connection.

For them, skipping ahead to sex before the emotional connection is as charged as they want it can actually dampen the quality of the sex when you do get there.

If you think about the best sex you’ve had, you might see better what I mean: The best sex isn’t just physical, but the result of an intense emotional connection between the two of you.

Some guys know this better than others, and as a result, may be more inclined to wait until the two of you have built an amazing emotional connection, because he knows how that can translate in the bedroom.

As a result, he may be afraid that having sex too early will make for not very good sex, before that emotional connection has really had a chance to develop, which can hurt the chances of your relationship really developing into something.

If you think about it, that may make sense relative to your experiences, too. After all, most of the bad sex some of us have had hasn’t just been bad because of physical things (though when someone lays there like a dead fish, that’s never good) but rather because the emotional connection was also off.

So he may be waiting for sex because he likes you, and he’s afraid that having sex with you too early makes it less likely the two of you will have a chance to develop a truly meaningful and lasting relationship.

He may think waiting will make the sex better

Related to that, some guys just don’t want mediocre or okay sex. They would rather hold out for amazing sex. And you don’t get amazing sex without an emotional connection and developed chemistry, which doesn’t happen unless you’ve put time into developing that connection.

So some guys would rather wait, to help ensure that the first time the two of you sleep together is better than just okay, but rather something truly memorable and special.

Skeletons in the closet

He may have a screwy past that affects his attitudes toward sex.

Look, there are plenty of us out there that are former Bible-thumpers or otherwise grew up with pretty messed up attitudes toward sex, and sometimes guys are still working through that trauma to develop a healthier relationship with sex when they meet you.

In that case, maybe they have a lot of guilt about sex, and so have a really hard time enjoying it, because they grew up believing it was wrong outside of marriage. Or maybe they grew up believing that women who enjoyed sex were somehow broken, evil, or sluts.

There are a lot of really, truly messed up attitudes about sex out there, and some guys really struggle to recover from growing up in those sorts of environments. If that’s the case with your current fella, that isn’t your fault, nor any reflection on you.

Instead, it just means he’s working through things, and it may take him some time to fully commit to you in sex.

Related to this, two other pieces of past trauma when it comes to sex can affect a guy’s decision to wait. First, maybe he’s had performance issues in the past. It happens, and sometimes it leaves scars, where a guy is afraid that he’s going to have performance issues with you because of that past.

Second, he may be scared of sex. Really, really, really bad sex can be traumatizing, or maybe he hasn’t had sex, and that’s why he’s afraid of it. Either reason, though, can affect his attitudes toward sex, and those can be coming out in his waiting to sleep with you.

He’s afraid you’ll think he’s a player

If he’s not that attractive (to be blunt) this is less likely, but some guys may wait a few more dates than they normally would if they’re afraid you’ll think they’re a player or way more sexually active than they are if they sleep with you sooner.

Let’s be real: We all get ideas of our partners’ past based on how they approach us sexually.

My wife and I were crazy about each other and couldn’t keep our hands off each other from the very get go, which, as it happens, led to each of us maybe each thinking the other had been a bit more sexually active and adventurous before meeting than was strictly accurate. (It isn’t as if we hadn’t had our share of fun before meeting each other…but, well, you get the idea.)

The truth is, if a guy is afraid you’ll think less of him for jumping into sex too early and he really likes you, he may risk waiting too long just so that you don’t get the wrong idea of him. It happens.

Guys won’t admit it very readily, but when it comes to a girl we really, really like, we’re pretty good at getting in our own heads about it, and sometimes that means things like holding off on sex just so you don’t think less of us.

He doesn’t want to commit

There are some guys, too, who feel like until they sleep with you, it can’t be that serious, and so if they don’t sleep with you, they’re less beholden to you in their actions when not with you.

Of course, when they do something stupid that hurts you, that doesn’t make it hurt any less, but there are some guys that use “But I haven’t even slept with her yet!” as a defense for their stupidity.

This, though, just tends to be a reflection on them and their immaturity, rather than a reflection on you.

He’s just not that into you

None of these reasons for avoiding sex or waiting to sleep with you are a reflection on you. In fact even the one instance left isn’t a reflection on you, but rather on how he feels about you – which tends to be more a reflection on what it is he wants than a reflection on who you are.

In every other case, though, if he’s waiting to have sex with you, that’s generally a reflection that he really likes you, and he wants to ensure the two of you have a possibility of a long future. As a result, he waits – because when it comes to sex, you’re more than worth waiting for.

Don’t get me wrong – one-night stands can be plenty of fun. But if a guy is waiting to sleep with you, it’s a pretty good sign he really digs you.

And don’t forget: You can always ask. If a guy hasn’t tried to sleep with you yet and you’ve been dating for a while, it doesn’t hurt to ask.

After all, if you want to build the type of emotional bond between the two of you that is essential for a lasting relationship, clear and honest communication has to be a key. It’s never too early to start practicing those clear communication skills, so don’t be afraid to ask.

Ex Came Back After Rebound: Should You Take Her Back?

ex came back after rebound

Your ex came back after rebound and you want to know: should you take her back?

That’s a loaded question, and we’re going to have to answer a few other questions to help you decide whether or not you should take your ex back after they have a rebound relationship.

Let’s look at each question individually to help you decide whether the second time around might work better than the first, or if maybe she just isn’t right for you.

Who broke up with who?

Did you break up with her, or did she break up with you? The power dynamic here can make a major difference. For instance, if you broke up with her, you probably had a good reason for doing so, right? Whereas if she broke up with you, you may or may not know her reasons for doing so, and those reasons can be quite important.

For instance, maybe she’s since realized over the course of her rebound relationship that her reasons for breaking up with you weren’t good enough, and that while the two of you may have things to work on, you’re good together. That would be a good reason to consider taking her back.

But on the flip side, maybe she broke up with you because she didn’t see a future with you, and she’s only coming back to you because her rebound wasn’t any better, and sometimes a known commodity is better than the unknown, even if that known commodity (your relationship) maybe wasn’t ever that great.

For the rest of this discussion, we’re going to assume that she broke up with you, because if you broke up with her, you know exactly why, and whether or not those reasons still apply to your past—and potential future—relationship.

Why did you break up in the first place? (And was there ever any cheating?)

So yes, the reasons you originally broke up are incredibly important here. More than anything else, those reasons—the real reasons, which are not always the same as the given reasons at the time of your breakup—are incredibly important.

Often times when people are in relationships and things start to get serious, they get scared. Sometimes that’s a reason people break up—even if it isn’t the reason they give.

Other times there are personal issues (depression, for instance, or anxiety) that she might not have been willing to share with you, and as a result, when things got hard, she may have felt the need to break up to protect you from those things, rather than trust that she could share them with you.

These are pretty common reasons for breaking up, and yet, they are rarely the reason given. As a result, any talk of getting back together needs to include plenty of hard honest conversations about why you broke up, what was wrong in the original relationship, and how you might address those issues in the future—together.

One final caveat here: If there was ever any cheating involved, you need to think very hard about why, and whether that trust can be regained.

Similarly, if the rebound happened shortly enough after your breakup, you need to consider whether or not she already had her rebound lined up when she was breaking up with you—which brings us to our next consideration:

How much time passed between your breakup and their rebound?

This is where math and some emotional calculus comes into play. For some people, jumping into a rebound a month after a breakup can be completely fine, and not at all reflective of their relationship prior to the breakup.

For others, jumping into a rebound even six months after the breakup can be a sign that they were already pulling away emotionally and looking for another relationship at the end of your relationship. So you have to trust your gut a little bit here.

For instance, was her rebound with a guy at work that she had been pretty chummy with while you were still together? That should set your spidey senses tingling.

Or had she been going out with her girlfriends pretty regularly after you split to help ease her heartbreak and just happened to fall into a rebound with someone she met while out?

The circumstances and timing matter, because they help determine whether or not the two of you will be able to fully trust each other again if you get back together. Which is really one of the biggest pieces when you consider if you should get back with an ex after a rebound: Is there hope for a future if you do?

Which brings me to my next question…

Have you moved past your original issues? And what are your goals in getting back together?

Look, if you can’t grow together from the experience, and learn from your first breakup, then there isn’t going to be any point in getting back together.

Without learning from the experience, you’re going to be doomed to repeat the same mistakes and hurt each other in the same ways, except only worse, because it will be compounded by the trauma of your first failed relationship.

So you have to be able to give each other a fresh start, move past your original issues, and truly trust each other. If the time apart doesn’t serve as a reminder to really practice your communication with each other, then there is no point in getting back together.

Similarly, you need to have some real talk when it comes to the future you see with each other. If you’re talking about going from exes to friends with benefits, that’s one thing (though still fraught with potential emotional peril), but going from exes to a couple again is hard, and you shouldn’t unless you have the same long-term potential future in mind.

Ask yourselves the big questions. Could you see yourself marrying her? Can she see herself marrying you? This doesn’t mean you have to get engaged—in fact, you probably shouldn’t until you’re both well on your way to having those original issues fully worked out—just that you need to be serious about your ideas for the future.

If you haven’t talked about whether or not you want kids in your future, this is a good time to at least broach that topic. Again, this isn’t where you pick kids’ names—but it is a reminder that if you want kids and she doesn’t, or vice-versa, you probably shouldn’t get back together, because heartbreak is the only future those kind of big picture issues bring.

So have the hard conversations. You have to be fully honest with each other if this is going to work.

Why did they end things with their rebound guy?

Lastly, you have to look at why they split with their rebound, as not fun as that may be. Did they split because that relationship wasn’t fun anymore, because their rebound saw one of their less than ideal sides, or because they realized they wanted what they had with you?

The reasons for leaving their rebound matter, because sometimes people leave a rebound as soon as it stops being fresh and fun, rather than because they know what they want and the rebound isn’t it.

So if your ex split with her rebound because she wasn’t having fun and was bored, that can be a sign that she’s coming back to you because she’s comfortable with you and knows what to expect with you. That isn’t necessarily a good sign.

If she split with her rebound, though, because she realized you were the long-term future she wants, that’s a whole different story. So figure out what happened, and why she’s really coming back to you wanting to get back together now.

There may be other questions you need to ask, too, and no matter what, you are going to have to both be willing to have hard conversations if your second go-round is going to work out better than the first. The questions above, though, are a great start to figuring out whether or not you should give it a go.

Good luck!

Why You Should Let Him Come to You After a Break Up (And How to Do It)

let him come to you after a break up

You’ve probably heard the line that you should let him come to you after a break up. But why? And how exactly do you go about doing that?

Can we be frank? Sure we can; we’re all friends here.

A less shared but still no less true truth: Most men are idiots. No, really, we are not smart. And this is especially true when it comes to emotional intelligence, our feelings, and relationships.

The truth is, plenty of men have no idea what they want until they’ve had it and then lost it because they screwed things up. We’re so-so at best when it comes to learning from our mistakes—but there’s no way we’re learning anything important until after we’ve made those mistakes, either.

That is, there’s pretty much no hope of us meeting the woman of our dreams until we’ve already met her and screwed it up. Sad? Definitely. Pathetic? Certainly. But no less true.

So if your ex has broken your heart, and you’re trying to figure out how to get him back, the truth is the worst thing you can do is chase him.

When you chase a guy, what it tells us is you’re needy, that you’re dependent on us, and that we were right to run away. When you chase us, it’s a confirmation to us that we made the right move in ending things, and that wow, did we dodge a bullet back there.

Instead, if you want things to work between you, the best thing you can do is give him space and let him realize on his own time and terms what an idiot he was for breaking up with you.

Now, to be fair, there are no guarantees he’ll ever be smart enough to realize he is said idiot, much less realize he needs to win you back. But if there’s to be a hope of future between the two of you, that’s the way it has to play out. You have to let him come to you after a break up.

So what should you do if that’s the way you want it to go? What should you do if you want your ex to realize what an idiot he is, and for him to come chasing after you to try and win you back?

Check out these key steps to letting him come back to you…

1. Realize that a successful relationship is like a chemical drug addiction

Now by that I don’t mean that a successful relationship makes the two of you dependent on each other, nor is it unhealthy. But successful relationships do connect with endorphins and dopamine and serotonin and other brain chemicals to give you a natural high and make you feel better about life, which is a pretty addicting feeling.

And when you and your ex split, you may have both gone through withdrawal. You may have both been a bit depressed, lethargic, and just generally sad.

All of that is natural, and easily explained by the loss of the euphoria you each felt when things were going well in your relationship.

This, too, makes sense: Love really is like an addiction, and our brain responds to love similarly.

If there are ways you can help prime your ex to think about how much he misses those euphoric feelings he experienced with you, subtly, then all the better.

Just remember, if this is going to work, you can’t appear as if you’re chasing him, so it’s best if mutual friends you are interested in seeing the two of you back together are the ones reminding him of how happy he was with you and giving him other subtle nudges back toward you.

2. Remember he likely already misses you

There’s a solid 80-90% chance that if you’re missing him, he’s also missing you.

It is incredibly common for people just out of a relationship to feel like they’re obsessing over what they’ve just lost, so if you’re feeling like you just can’t stop thinking about him, there’s an incredibly good chance he’s feeling like he just can’t stop thinking about you, either.

Now, there’s no guarantees as to what he’s thinking, and that’s why having those mutual friends in step one to steer his thoughts back toward the good times he had with you are so important.

This is true even if he’s just jumped straight into a rebound relationship. Often times guys will do that because they think it will help keep them from feeling the pain of missing you, or will help them replace you, but just as often (especially if the two of you had something incredible) it only serves as a reminder of what he’s missing.

3. And because he misses you, he’s going to keep tabs on what you’re up to

Look, we’ve all done it. We’ve Facebook or Instagram stalked an ex to see what they’re up to, hoping they’re miserable without us in their lives. And if they’re not, we end up a bit upset or frustrated that they’ve seemingly been able to move on without us, right?

So if you find yourself checking his social media on a regular basis, odds are good he’s doing the same to keep tabs on you.

He misses you—even as he’s afraid you’ll be happy without him.

4. So use that to your advantage

Show him exactly how awesome you are, as if he’s had a chance to forget. Don’t mope, no matter how badly you want to. Instead, make him miss you even more.

Think back to what were the best parts of your relationship. What were the pieces that made the two of you happiest? I don’t mean just the good sex; I mean the little things that were so uniquely the two of you.

Maybe the two of you really enjoyed kayaking together on a quiet alpine lake. Or maybe you went to some really great rock concerts. Whatever it is, use those pieces to your advantage to help remind him of what he’s missing.

Again, it’s important that you’re subtle here. Remember, if he knows you’re trying to get him back, he’s likely to read that as needy, which is in turn more likely to push him away.

If you’re genuinely able to project happiness by yourself or with some girlfriends, especially in the places and settings that the two of you were happiest, he’s more likely to remember the amazing girl he’s given up—and realize what a terrible mistake he’s made.

So use your social media to leave bread crumbs and clues. He may well be too daft to pick up on it, but if he isn’t, he’s going to see those bread crumbs, remember how amazing your time together was in those shared special places, and realize he was an idiot to throw it away.

And that, in turn, makes him more likely to come back after you.

This is especially true if you broke up with him, but can also work if he broke up with you. The truth is, you want your social media to make it clear how awesome and independent you are, not that you are missing him and need him back in your life.

5. By displaying independence

I mean it. Do your thing with your girlfriends. Be happy without him (even if on the inside you’re missing him terribly.) And above all else, do not contact him.

Contacting him is going to be interpreted as a sign of neediness, regardless of why you reach out to him. If for some reason you absolutely have to get in touch with him (like, say, some of your stuff you need is still at his place), do so through a mutual friend, as if you’re too busy living your awesome life to reach out to him yourself. (And consider that leaving a few things that were still at his place when you split there will serve as reminders to him when he sees them of what he’s given up.)

You need to be strong. I know, this is incredibly difficult. We’ve all had those breakups where we lost our mind and called our ex a million times about how much we missed them and how we still loved them, or at the very least have had a friend go that route. Don’t do it.

That’s what crazy people do, and no one wants to get back with their crazy ex. As hard as it may be, be strong.

6. By being your best possible self

Were there things you wanted to do but never did while you were together, like training for a marathon or taking dance lessons or learning how to play an instrument? Well now is the perfect time to do those things.

Getting good at something you wanted to do while you were together but never took the time to invest in is a pretty clear sign to your ex that you’re even better than he remembers.

Additionally, it sends the subtle sign to him (even if it may be inaccurate) that you’re not bothered by the split, and that you’re even more badass than he remembers.

Make him miss you by being even more incredible than he remembers.

7. By being happy with other people

Even if it isn’t completely accurate, let him see you happy with other people. That’s going to remind him of how much he liked making you happy, and is going to help him miss you even more.

8. By letting him chase on you on his terms

This is where it can be tempting to reach back out, especially as you start putting yourself back together by spending time with your friends and in the pursuits you didn’t have time for while the two of you were together.

You might be feeling better about things and be tempted to reach back out to him, but be warned: Doing so can backfire badly.

Instead, you need to be strong enough to know that if he’s the right guy for you, he will eventually realize what a dumbass he’s been and come back after you. He needs to reach out to you first, because that puts you in a position of strength.

As stupid as these games are, most guys will see you as needy if you reach back out to them first. So don’t. Wait for him to miss you and reach out to you.

There are a couple of signs you can watch for, too, while you wait for him to chase you.

For instance:

  • Does he drunk dial you?
  • Does he text you about nothing in particular, or to simply ask how you are?
  • Does he show up in places you and your friends go?
  • Does he ask mutual friends about you?

All of those are signs he’s still got you heavily on his brain. You do your thing and just watch: If he’s smart, he’ll come chasing back after you before you know it.

So don’t chase him. Let him come to you after a break up on his terms, and you may surprised just how much better your relationship can be the second time around after he realizes just how much he was missing out when the two of you were split.

5 Signs Your Ex Is In a Rebound Relationship

signs your ex is in a rebound relationship

So your ex has left you with a broken heart, and to make matters worse, he’s already with someone else. You’re still heartbroken, so how is it even possible that he’s already moved on?

Here’s the thing: Odds are good he hasn’t.

Instead, it’s quite likely he’s thrown himself into a rebound relationship, because a superficial relationship with someone else is easier for him than dealing with his feelings for you.

This may well be the case – or even especially the case, for some guys – if he can’t help telling everyone how great this new relationship is, if she’s completely different from you, and he’s putting in effort with her that he just didn’t with you.

All of those can be signs that he’s struggling to process his relationship with you. Or, in other words, that he’s rebounding.

But if you want to be sure, check out these five sure signs that he might not yet be as over you as he says, and that his new relationship is simply a rebound, his way of refusing to deal with his feelings for you.

Speed Dating, Anyone?

Do some math here: Did he jump right into dating someone else immediately after you two broke up? One rule of thumb for how long it takes to get over someone is a week for every month you were together.

A caveat there is that everyone processes at different rates, but if you were together for a year, and he’s dating someone else within a week, that’s clearly a rebound.

No one can move on that quickly, not without simply avoiding their feelings. Yes, some people can process more quickly than others, but think about your ex: You know him better than that. Was he someone that needed time to process difficult or emotional things?

If so, then jumping directly into a new relationship is a pretty clear sign that he hasn’t gotten over you yet. Instead, he’s simply trying not to think about you with his new rebound relationship.

One final caveat here: This may not apply to cheaters. If he cheated on you, this isn’t the article for you. Admit you’re better off without a cheating sack of shit in your life, and move on.

How Long Has She Been Around?

Not only is it important to note how long he waited before jumping into a new relationship, it’s also important to note how long he’s been with the new girl. If it’s been more than a few months, there’s a chance it isn’t just a rebound.

But, keeping in mind that studies estimate more than 65% of rebound relationships fail in the first six months, the less time they’ve been together, the more likely it is that it’s simply a rebound, his way of avoiding dealing with his feelings about and for you.

Look, most guys are really not good at dealing with their feelings. Rebound relationships give us a chance to avoid dealing with our feelings by replacing those feelings (sadness, loss, grief) with more fun feelings (mostly sex, to be honest).

If we haven’t been with the new girl for very long, and we jumped into the rebound straight out of our break-up? You can guess with fair certainty that we’re still thinking about you…possibly even as we’re sleeping with the new girl.

How Different Is She?

This is one of the big flashing signs that your ex is in a rebound relationship: How different is the new girl from you?

If she’s completely different, that’s a pretty good sign that he’s simply not over you. Call it overcompensating.

The truth is, he’s still grieving the loss of you, even if he won’t admit it, which is why he doesn’t want to be with someone like you right now. The less like you the new girl is, the less likely it is that she’ll remind him of you – which means the less he’ll be tempted to think about you, or so he hopes.

As a result, he overcompensates for losing you by dating the exact opposite of you. After all, if things didn’t work with you, they’ll work with the exact opposite kind of person, right?

The truth is, if he was with you for a long time, it’s because the two of you worked, and had a special connection.

Most often if he’s with someone completely different, it’s because he’s trying not to process his relationship with you. This is a pretty clear sign he still has feelings for you, and is simply running away from those feelings to his rebound.

How Quickly Is He Moving With Her?

This might be the biggest sign of all: The faster he’s moving with her, the more sure you can be that he’s in a rebound.

Remember what I said about most guys not being very good at processing their feelings? This is somewhere where that holds especially true. If he’s still stuck on you – even if he’s not wholly conscious of that fact – he’s more likely to move things quickly with the new girl.

So if he’s super serious about her and they’ve been together two weeks? That’s a pretty good sign his heart is still torn, and he’s throwing himself wholly into this new relationship to avoid thinking about his feelings for you, by transferring those feelings onto the new girl.

I mean, think about it. How well can he really even know the new girl if they’ve been together a couple of weeks? But rather than admit that, and take his time getting to know her, he’s taking his fully developed feelings toward you and transferring them to the new girl.

He’s trying to take the intimacy, comfort, and happiness he had with you at your relationship’s best and force it into the center of this new relationship, because that fills the emotional black hole where you are in his heart.

That’s the whole point of a rebound: He’s trying to get over the pain of losing you, and what the two of you had. And the harder you see him pushing the new relationship, the more sure you can be that he’s really struggling with the loss of you in his life.

For many guys, the pain of a breakup is simply more than they’re willing to do the work of pushing through and processing. As a result, they panic, consciously or not, and try to force intimacy and support elsewhere to replace what they’ve just lost.

So if he can push the new relationship forward quickly, that’s his way of trying to both decrease the pain he is feeling and replace the intimacy and emotional connection he’s lost.

It’s the same reason you might see him spending all of his time with the new girl: Because when he is alone he has an opportunity to realize what he’s just lost, and feel the connection he’s lost with you, and he doesn’t want to have that processing time, because it’s painful, and he doesn’t like that.

He can’t replace the time he spent with you in a few short weeks with someone new – but that doesn’t mean he might not try.

So if you see him escalating the new relationship, that’s a pretty clear sign that he’s not letting it progress naturally, because he’s still hung up on you, and that’s a real good sign that it’s a rebound, and not something more meaningful, no matter how much he might say otherwise.

How Is He Toward You?

Similarly, watch how he acts toward you. If he goes out of his way to tell you how happy he is, rubbing the new relationship in your face, that’s a pretty clear sign he still very much cares what you think.

He’s hurt by the loss of you in his life, and he’s taking that pain out on you by trying to hurt you back with this new relationship.

Think about it: If he was really over you, would he really care whether or not you knew he was in a new relationship? No! He’d be busy trying to emotionally connect and grow with his new girlfriend. The fact that he’s going out of his way to tell you about it means that he still has feelings for you.

On the flip side, if he seems to be hiding the new girl from you, it’s time to look at how your relationship together was. First, he could be hiding the new girl in the hopes that he still has a chance of getting back together with you. (If that’s the case, she’s a definite rebound.)

Second, though, he could be trying to avoid drama. If there was crazy drama between you previously, this is a fair bet.

So think about how the two of you worked, and how he’s acting toward you. Is he trying to make you jealous? It’s a rebound. Is he trying to get back together with you? It’s a rebound. Is he simply trying to avoid drama? It might not be a rebound.

If your ex is exhibiting more than a few of those five signs, though, you can be pretty sure that he’s not really over you – at which point you need to decide how you feel about that.

Do you want your ex back? Sometimes if things haven’t worked between you, that’s for the better. Try to be coolly rational here, as well as trusting your heart. Is he a long-term potential future, or was he simply a good thing while it lasted?

If you decide you do want him back, you need to make a plan; simply sitting on the sidelines isn’t going to get him back. While you make that plan, though, you can take comfort in the fact that he’s in a rebound relationship – because he’s pretty clearly not over you yet.

9 Surprising Signs He’s Emotionally Attached to You

signs he's emotionally attached to you

You’re spending tons of time together and both of you seem to have the “feels.” But the most surefire way to tell if he’s as into you as it seems boils down to his emotional investment.

After all, physical attraction is fleeting. And you want more than a simple, here-today-gone-tomorrow infatuation.

In that case, the thing you need to look for is how emotionally invested he is in you.

The thing is, though, that men aren’t used to wearing their hearts on their sleeve. In fact, man men pride themselves on hiding their feelings as best they can.

That means it can be difficult to tell how he might feel about us. Fortunately, there are numerous clear tells that you can watch for, each of which will make it clear he’s developed an emotional attachment to, and investment in, you.

Here are 9 tell tale signs he’s emotionally attached to you!

Regular and constant communication

For most guys, they can’t help it: They focus on the things they care about. So if they’re in deep smit, you’ll know by their communication.

They will make time for you, and they will regularly call and text, sometimes for no other reason than that they’re thinking about you (though they may or may not admit that last part).

Going above and beyond

For most guys, you know what you’re getting. Standard dates, gifts on Valentine’s Day, and so forth. If he’s going above and beyond (like paying for things he may or may not be able to afford), it’s a sign of how we feels about you.

He’s invested in you, cares about you, and wants to make sure you feel cared for.

The way he looks at you

And when you’ve seen it, you can’t unsee it. There’s a particular look men have when they get something they’ve always wanted, or when they’re in love with someone — a combination of adoration, admiration, even bliss.

It’s not a look that can be faked, not even by most of the best actors, and once you’ve seen it, you don’t forget it or mistake it for anything else.

When you get that look, you know: He’s in love.

The way he lets you in

For many guys, trust is rare and hard-won. There are not many people they’ll fully let their guard down with; even as they too need this emotional connection, it’s rare that a guy will admit to needing it.

If you find he’s telling you his hopes and his dreams as well as his fears and his worries, though? He trusts you, and he’s opened himself up to you, and he’s attached.


If he’s asking for commitment, it’s because he’s sold on you as the right girl. See, here’s the thing: Most guys will tell you they aren’t afraid of commitment. What they’re afraid of is being at the wrong girl’s side.

If he’s asking for commitment from you, it’s because he has a really, really good feeling about you — if not that you’re “the one,” then at the very least that that’s a real possibility.

There aren’t many more clear signs of how a guy feels about you than that!


And this doesn’t just mean making time for sex, though that’s certainly part of intimacy. No, more than that, this means he’s willing, and wants, to make the time to really get to know and understand you, to bond with you emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

This can be going out, but it can just as easily be time spent sitting up in bed, talking.

Regardless of how, if a man is making a conscious effort to make time for intimacy with you, that’s a sure sign he’s emotionally invested in your relationship, and wants to help it keep growing.


Another clear sign he’s invested in you is when you see him acting as if you are his partner.

This can be something as simple as making sure that your decisions are made jointly when it comes to picking a date location, or it might be more emotional, such as leaping to your defense in front of family or friends, even if they might have only been teasing.

When he sees you as his partner, he feels the need to protect you. That’s a sign of a relationship that’s growing legs, and is proof of his investment in it.

He makes you part of his community

When he starts introducing you to family and friends, it can mean one of several things. It can mean he’s trying to get their opinion of you, one he’s still forming himself.

Or it can mean he’s trying to introduce you to his community, the people who are important to him, because he wants you to be a part of it.

If he keeps taking you out to be with his family and friends, that’s a pretty good sign he wants you around for the long-term. He’s invested in you, and sees you as part of his inner circle.

This is a really clear sign that he wants you to stick with him, because if he wasn’t so attached, he wouldn’t give his family and friends the opportunity to get attached to you as well.

He’s in it for the long haul

That means he’s willing to fight with you through the rough stuff. That might be a lost job, trouble with a friend, or even working through some emotional intimacy issues in your own relationship.

All of those are natural parts of a relationship, yet many men see them as an opportunity to get out before things get too serious.

If he’s by your side through all of it, though, you know he has your back. He wants this to last, because he’s invested in you and in the relationship, and just because things get rough aren’t enough to scare him off.

All of these are great signs that he’s grown attached to you, and that he wants to be with you. When a man is emotionally invested, it means they want to see how a relationship can grow and blossom, and they want to see that progression with you.

So don’t be scared if your boyfriend is showing signs he’s emotionally attached to you. They aren’t signs of weakness. Instead, they signal love.

Why Does My Ex Still Want to Sleep With Me?


After a breakup, it’s rare for most people that they never see their ex again. After all, in your time together you likely shared interests, friends, and favorite spots.

You still have your ex’s phone number, email, and depending on how long you’ve been broken up, maybe even their spare key – and they can say the same about you.

And, if you were together for some time, there were clearly reasons that things worked between you, often including physical chemistry.

So it’s pretty natural that you might want to still sleep with them, or even more likely, that they might sill want to sleep with you. Breaking up doesn’t have to mean abstinence, and for many men, they’d very much prefer it didn’t – so if your ex is still trying to sleep with you, you’re hardly the first.

But why?

After all, one common school of thought after breakups says that you should make a clean break from each other, so you each have a chance to get your hearts and lives back in order. Sleeping together after you’ve broken up makes that messy, and so it may not be what you want.

Let’s look at the reasons why he might still want sex with you, rather than a clean break.

He knows you

Familiar sex is comfortable, and comforting. You know what he likes and what he finds super hot, and he knows the same about you.

And as a result, it’s easy – you know how to get each other off, without any of the fumbling or bumbling that can happen with other first-time new partners.

You’re easy

I don’t mean this as a dig. The truth is, unless he’s got skills as a player and can pick up any girl he wants, it’s going to be easier for him to get sex from you, a known commodity, than trying to pick someone new up at the bar.

He knows you, and how to get sex from you, and most guys are not afraid to take advantage of that information when they’re feeling horny.

He wants to be friends with benefits

Combine points one and two and you’ve got a pretty good argument for keeping a friends-with-benefits arrangement alive and well.

I mean, the two of you already know you’re physically compatible and have chemistry, and clearly if you were together for a long time, there’s at least some semblance of friendship.

As a result, he may be thinking this is an easy way to get regular sex, without any of the work of keeping a relationship together.

He thinks it will give him closure

Of course, on the flip side, he may still be grieving the loss of the relationship. Sometimes sex as closure is a lie guys tell themselves, and sometimes they actually believe it – that if they sleep with you one last time, that will somehow help them get over you.

Of course, that’s not how sex works for most people. Whether he wants to admit it or not, there’s an emotional connection to sex, and having sex with you isn’t going to help him move on. Instead, it reminds him of what you share.

And also, how over is it if you’re still sleeping together?

He thinks it will win you back

On the flip side of that grieving process – and especially if you broke up with him – odds are good he may think that sleeping with you will help him get you back if that’s something he wants.

That emotional connection produced by sex? It’s both very real and a very strong motivator. Our bodies produce oxytocin when we couple, which makes us feel loving and comforted.

As a result, he may be planning to take advantage of those warm cuddly feelings post-coitus to try and get back together.

He misses you

Wanting to sleep with you may not even be as much about sex as simply about missing you, and the emotional connection he had with you.

Most guys are not able to open up emotionally with their guy friends, and given how many of us are incapable of having friends that are girls without trying to sleep with them, odds are good you’re one of the only people he’s able to be emotionally vulnerable with.

As a result, a booty call may be his easiest way of getting you back in his life.

Am I a Rebound? 12 Signs You’re His Rebound Chick

rebound chick

You’ve just met a great guy, and he seems super into you. And let’s be real: You’re super into him, too. So what’s the problem?

The problem is he’s fresh out of a relationship and you have the lurking suspicion that you may be his rebound chick.

If he’s freshly single when you start dating, consider that a caution sign. That isn’t to say it can’t still work out – because it definitely can! – but just that there are reasons to be cautious.

Men, far more than women, are susceptible to jumping straight out of a relationship and into a rebound. In part, this is because many men aren’t very emotionally mature, and so for most men, when it comes to confiding and being emotionally vulnerable, that isn’t something they can do with their guy friends.

Instead, that job usually falls to their girlfriend – and when they don’t have a girlfriend, that’s a void in need of filling. Voila, rebound chick!

If you’re really into him, though, you should probably figure out sooner or later whether he’s really into you – or just really into rebounding and not being alone.

The best way to do that? Short of reading his mind, you can look for these  signs you might be his rebound chick…

He’s only just recently single

If he broke up with his long-time ex, or separated from his wife, within the last few months, that’s not a good sign. And the more unexpected the breakup, the more likely you’re a rebound.

Men generally don’t handle the medium-term after-effects of a breakup as well as women, and research suggests that a tendency toward a “grass is greener” perspective when looking back at past relationships in addition to less developed coping skills means they’re far more likely to find a new girlfriend to help them process…and in this case, that might be you.

The one exception here? Divorced men, as it can take years to finalize a divorce, which gives them plenty of time to process, meaning they’re past rebounding.

He’s always talking about her

This is a definite strong sign that he’s not over her, because if he’s talking to you about her, that means he’s still thinking about her. That might be affection, or it might be resentment, but either way, he’s not over her yet – and you’re acting more as his therapist than as his partner.

Even if he sounds genuinely angry and disgusted with his last relationship, if he’s still talking about her – that means she’s still occupying a lot of space in his head. And that means less space for you.

The breakup was sudden

If she broke up with him, and he didn’t see it coming, or if he broke up with her because of unexpected circumstances (for instance, discovering she was cheating on him), it’s far more likely that he hasn’t yet grieved the loss of his relationship, and is instead with you so that he doesn’t have to be alone with his feelings.

After a sudden breakup, most men need months of time to process what’s just happened before they can fully invest emotionally in a new relationship. If he hasn’t had that time, odds are good you’re a rebound – and one that he’ll have difficulty fully investing in.

He openly compares you to her

This is related to point number two, and yet somehow worse…because he’s dragging you into his processing. Whether he’s talking about how much you’re like her or how much different you are, the fact that he’s comparing you is a sure sign that he still hasn’t moved on.

It could be that he’s into you because you possess some of the same traits as his ex, or it could be that he’s into because he wants the opposite of his ex – so that he isn’t reminded of her, and the type of woman she was – but in either case, if he’s openly comparing you to his ex, you can be pretty sure you’re a rebound.

He’s moving fast

This is a subtle sign and one that can be mistaken for a man who’s ready for a serious relationship.  But if his commitment doesn’t match how long you’ve been together – it’s a red flag.

This incongruence can show in extremes.

For some men, they might be talking about how much he really likes you on your second date and telling you he loves you after knowing you a week or two.

Similarly, you might note he pushes to label your relationship on social media – a way to prove to himself and others that he has value in a relationship. If you note that his sense of commitment doesn’t fit the time you’ve been together, this can be a solid sign that he’s using you as a rebound.

For other men, though, this can take the exact opposite tack, like an inability to call you his girlfriend even after you’ve been dating for months. This might be a sign that he still, in some part of his brain, anticipates getting back together with his ex, and that he hasn’t fully accepted that that relationship is over. As a result, he isn’t able to commit to you.

“I never cared about her!”

When the topic of his ex comes up, does he downplay the significance of his past relationship?

If he was with her for years, but acts as if it was no big deal only a few weeks later, you can be sure he hasn’t dealt with the loss of the relationship and is just trying to bury it, rather than process what has happened.

That’s a pretty clear sign that he’s just trying to outrun his feelings via a rebound, and is a clear sign that he’s not going to be able to invest in your relationship. This is a guy who needs time and space, unfortunately, rather than a new girlfriend.

He’s a serial rebounder

You know how some guys are never single? That’s a pretty good sign that he never takes the time to be alone and see himself for who he is, nor does he want to actually process his feelings.

You can be sure that he’s not going to be able to fully commit emotionally to you, especially if he’s the sort that’s always cut bait for someone else whenever things have gotten tough. And yes, this is the way quite a few guys are.

His ex is still in his life (and she never really left)

Look, some guys and gals can be in a relationship, and then later be friends.

Even in those cases, though, they need time apart after their breakup to get their lives back in order and to heal emotionally, so that they’re not still dealing with those emotions when they see each other again, and so that they can actually build a friendship, rather than the remnants of a relationship.

If you note that his ex is still in his life, and that they haven’t taken that requisite time apart to heal, you can be pretty sure that at least one of them is still pining for the other, which is not a healthy situation, nor one you want to be in the middle of.

It’s all about sex

If your new relationship is all about the physical stuff, that’s fine – if that’s what you want. Maybe the sex is incredible. If none of the romance and emotional connection is there, though, it could be because he isn’t able to give that to you, because that side of himself is still broken and healing.

If that’s what you’re looking for in a relationship, then you might need to back away for a little while until he can get himself in order again.

He’s known you for awhile, but his interest is new

If he’s a long-term friend, but has never shown any interest in you, and now suddenly does? That should catch your attention, because it could very well be that he’s simply substituting your friendship for the emotional void he feels having lost his ex.

Many men are terrible at this: They lose the woman who has been their confidant and emotionally support, and rather than give themselves time to heal, they immediately turn to the next woman they’re close to, hoping that she can step in and fill that yearning need.

And if that’s you? Uh-oh. He’s into you because you’re available, and you’re his friend, not because he wants a long-term future with you.

He tries to control you

This doesn’t always apply, but if he had his heart smashed by his ex (especially if she cheated), he may try and keep it from happening again by trying to control you.

While understandable that he wouldn’t want to put himself in a situation where he could be hurt again, it also isn’t healthy. For your relationship to have long-term success, you have to be able to trust each other, and a controlling relationship isn’t that.

Your gut tells you not to trust it

We all have amazing intuition when we learn to trust it. So ask yourself: Would he leave if he thought he could get back with his ex? If the answer is yes, you’re a rebound chick, and you know it in your gut.

Being a rebound chick may or may not be what you’re looking for. As a rebound, odds are good you’re not going to get the emotional support you need from a guy if he’s just using you for the moment.

But if you’re aware of the signs of a rebound, you can be in control of your decisions and your relationship, because you can recognize where he is emotionally based on his actions.

If you need to, walk away and give them the space to heal. And when they’re ready, you can pursue a real and meaningful relationship then if you still want to.

Why Do Guys Only Want to Sleep With Me?

why do guys only want to sleep with me

You’re looking for a relationship, but keep striking out: It seems like guys only ever want to sleep with you, and you can’t help but wonder why.

After all, friends of yours have found great guys and meaningful relationships, and you know you’re a catch, so what’s the problem?

The truth is, there are lots of reasons why guys might only want to sleep with you – and plenty of them are more a reflection on the guys than they are on you.

It’s Him, Not You

Plenty of guys have realized they can get sex without the relationship, and have decided that’s what they want. Or perhaps they lack emotional depth, and aren’t capable of a meaningful relationship beyond sex.

Lots of guys have come to realize that some women want male attention badly enough that they’ll agree to sex – regardless of whether or not there’s any form of relationship attached to it – because some guys make it clear that’s the only way they’ll give their attention, even if the woman really wants a relationship, and not just sex.

The hard part is that by agreeing to sex, she’s given the guy all of the power in the relationship, without him taking on any of the emotional responsibility of a healthy relationship.

And if a guy can get sex without needing to emotionally connect, well, plenty of guys think that sounds like a pretty dreamy scenario.

Who are You Attracted to?

Yes, plenty of guys want a deep, meaningful relationship – but they may not be the guys you’re immediately most attracted to, because the guys who play the field also tend to be the most immediately attractive, confident, and popular guys.

So if you keep ending up with guys who only want sex, think about what type of guy they are and trust your gut to recognize a player when you meet one.

Know When to Drop Him

Some of the above are beyond your control – you can’t force who’s not looking for a relationship to want one.

But there are some things you can control, so that the men attracted to you are more likely to be relationship material than booty calls.

The first and most obvious is if a guy is a player, or only interested in you for sex, move on.

Yes, this means you’ll likely be dumping quite a few guys, and some of them may be guys you’re really attracted to, but if you want a relationship that isn’t just sex, it’s for your own good – because guys who are just after sex aren’t going to be able to give you the relationship you want.

They’re not interested in that, nor are they likely capable.

Date Men Who Want What You Want

Another obvious but often ignored dating tactic is to focus on the guys who are looking for a real relationship.

And I don’t just mean guys who pay lip service to the idea of a relationship on their Tinder profile; I mean guys who legitimately want to get to know you for you, and are interested in all of you, not just your body.

Be Strategic with What You Showcase

Last but not least, think about how you present yourself and what you emphasize. In a perfect world, you could wear whatever you wanted, walk however you wanted, and guys everywhere would treat you with the respect you deserve.

Unfortunately, that isn’t the world we live in.

Lots of guys are pigs. That’s not a reflection on you. But every woman also knows how to exude different vibes and emphasize different things. If your normal walk emphasizes your hips and butt, or if you make a habit of showing off your cleavage, those are things guys are going to focus on.

No, that’s not fair to you – but it is a reality.

Instead of meeting guys in bars, talk to people at museums, or go birdwatching with a group. Sharing interests with someone makes it more likely they’re going to be interested in you for you, rather than for your body.

Present yourself as an elegant woman, demanding of his respect, and you’re more likely to get it.

Save the Sexy for Later

With that, think about how you date. Flirtation is a good way to show interest, but do you jump straight into sex talk? Yes, you want him to be interested in sleeping with you – but you also probably don’t want it to be the only reason he’s interested in you.

Save the sex talk for after you’ve gotten to know each other a little better, and have determined that you’re compatible as people. When you’ve developed emotional compatibility, the physical connection and chemistry will come naturally with time.

When you focus entirely on the physical connection, however, it can be difficult to build the same level of emotional connection.

Be Picky

Don’t forget that you can be picky! For many men, the difference between someone they would sleep with and someone they would be in a relationship can be quite large – even though for many women, they have to be at least interested in the possibility of a relationship in order to sleep with someone.

In other words, he doesn’t need to see you as a relationship material to want to sleep with you – and very often, if he really just wants to sleep with you, you’ll know because he’ll push things in that direction. You, of course, don’t have to agree to go that way.

For instance, if the only time you hear from him is late at night when he wants some action, you don’t have to respond. In your actions, demand he treat you with respect and attention, and if he doesn’t, cut him loose.

This can be tremendously difficult – but trust me when I say most guys who are interested in a girl for more than just sex are willing to wait, and are willing to do things on her terms, because they want to see where things can go.

The FWB Trap

Don’t let yourself fall into the friends with benefits category if what you’re really looking for is a relationship. This is related to the previous point, but if guys know they can get sex, they’ll take it without expecting anything more.

Guys aren’t too picky when it comes to FWB territory, but they are when it comes to relationships. If you’re letting yourself fall in FWB territory, it’s likely he’ll never look at you as a possibility for anything more.

Be willing to let guys loose as soon as it appears they’re only interested in sex, and stress your other attributes, like your intelligence and interests, and you’ll be far more likely to land a fellow worthy of your time and interest.

In the meantime, don’t take the guys who are interested only in sex personally. Be pickier with your screening process, but remember that these men don’t determine your worth. There are a lot of douchebags out there – and that’s not a reflection on you.