If you’ve ever found yourself logging onto a lesbian dating site just to see a whopping zero messages waiting there, then this is for you! Throughout my years of dating online (for both long- and short-term), I’ve always had an excess of women to potentially date.

Now, you may be asking why I was on there for so long if I was so successful, but I’m going to ask you why you think it’s okay to settle with the first woman who comes along. Hint: it rarely is.

That’s why creating a great profile is so important! You can’t figure out what you like and what you don’t like if you never have any women to go out with. So follow these tips, and you may soon find yourself landing more dates than you can count.


Tip #1: Have a Good Profile Picture

We’d all like to think we aren’t superficial, but it can be hard not judge someone based on their picture when it’s the first thing that pops up on a profile. You know in an instant whether or not you want to message someone just by those three or four pictures, right? Well, surprise! Women are also doing the same to you.

If you find yourself lacking in the message department, make sure you aren’t doing these red flags/ big no-nos that keep women from landing the perfect date:

• Group pictures: No one wants to strain their eyes trying to guess who you are. If you can’t be instantly spotted, then don’t expect a swipe right from many people.

• A picture of you and a friend: Again, no one is here to date your friend. They’re here for you. A picture of you and one other person can also lead to subconscious comparisons, and that’s not a trap anyone wants to fall into.

• Mirror selfies: This is 2016. The days of the mirror selfie are long gone, unless you’re still under 21. That’s the only pass.

• Naked pictures: If you’re just looking for a hookup, then okay. You do you! But if you’re looking to seriously date someone, women typically don’t see naked profile pictures as a potential long-term mate. It’s just (stereotypically) not the same kind of turn on for us as it is for heterosexual men.

And then there are some pictures that are guaranteed to get you more profile hits. Try posting a photo of one of these and watch the messages come rolling in:

• You and your dog (or cat): Dogs are cute. Cats are cute. People who love dogs and cats are automatically cute. It’s also a great conversation starter. Need I say more?

• You and your hobby: It doesn’t matter if your hobby is yoga or woodworking, it instantly shows insight to you as a person. It allows potential dates to make a connection from 2-D picture to real life, and that’s one of the most important things about online dating.

• An unaltered selfie/close-up: This means no snapchat filters, no heavy editing. No one wants to be tricked or guess what you really look like. Just be yourself, be confident, and the messages will come.

Tip #2: Fix the ‘About Me’ Section

So she’s seen your picture and she’s interested. She clicks on your profile to read more about you and… there’s nothing. Or all you’ve written is “message me for more” which is almost just as bad. She clicks off your profile and never contacts you even though she was initially interested.

Why? If you don’t take the time to write a little about yourself, it says that you don’t care or aren’t taking it seriously. Both are red flags to a potential serious partner.

If you’re stuck about what to write, here are a few go-to tips to try:

• Humor: I have a pretty dry, matter-of-fact type of humor. When I wrote my profile, I made sure to include that as much as possible. It ended up being the #1 thing women messaged me about. “I love your profile. It was so funny!” or “This was the best profile I’ve read. It kept my attention the whole time.” Adding humor, whether it be puns or sarcasm, almost automatically allows for messages that you may not otherwise receive.

• Interests: I’m not going to say much about this one because it’s pretty straightforward. Include 2-3 things you like to do on your profile so women can a.) get to know you and b.) have a conversation starter if they want to message you. If you’re a total movie guru, talk about your favorite genres. If you love being outdoors, talk about how you love kayaking. Being a little more specific about yourself will go a long way with an online profile.

• A negative: Yes, that’s right. Include a negative on your profile! The trick is to include a negative that isn’t really a negative thing to the people you want to date. For example, my negatives were that I loved puns and liked to stay at home more than go out. I don’t think those are bad things, and the people I wanted to date didn’t either. But the people who liked to party/go out rarely messaged me because they knew I wasn’t interested. Including this on your profile is an automatic filter for finding the women who are right for you.

Tip #3: Be Open

This isn’t so much of a tip as it is advice. Online dating makes being picky even easier since it’s just a catalog of girls listing their good and bad qualities or accomplishments. You can just click through one to the next to the next for literally hours. It’s easy to do, but don’t fall in the trap of just searching for your “type.”

There were entirely too many profiles out there that mentioned the types of women they didn’t like. You know, the “if you don’t have long hair, don’t message me” thrown in at the very bottom of the profile. Not only does that completely take away all women with short hair, but it also dissuades women like myself who think it’s entirely bogus to do that. It screams I’m judgmental and superficial and that is not the way to land a date online.

Don’t sabotage your efforts by doing this! And who knows, maybe someone will message you who isn’t your type but you’ll fall head over heels anyway because you were open to it. I did, and now I’m planning an engagement to the unpredicted girl of my dreams.