5 Surefire Ways to Make Your Gay Dating Profile Suck

By Jordan | Gay Dating

Aug 22
gay dating profile

A hot photo or two may cut it when you’re looking for a hookup but if you’re on the market for a relationship, your gay dating profile matters.

Especially since the Internet is undoubtedly one of the most popular places to meet men. And with dozens of profiles accessible with the click of a button – the competition is fierce and you need to make yourself stand out.

That means your gay dating profile is everything when it comes to online dating. That picture plus the string of words you use to describe yourself are the biggest determining factors of whether you get a date, get laid, find love, or pay monthly membership fees to receive virtual rejections on a daily basis.

If the latter is what you’re after, here are 5 things you can do to make sure your gay dating profile sucks.

Tell us your sob story

So you had a few bad runs on the dating merry-go-round. There’s no need to advertise to the world how you’ve been betrayed, had a hard time growing up, just exited an abusive relationship, were fondled by your uncles, etc.

For the love of god, wait until at least the second date to cry on my shoulder.

Fish for a quality man, using penis picture as bait

Why, oh why, would anyone do this? If you have even an inkling of an interest in a quality relationship with a person of substance, skip the dick pics, especially when you’re saying “hello.”

No matter how pretty yours may be, it’s not the first thing you should introduce about yourself if you’re looking for a relationship.

If you’re looking for a gay hookup, however, those pics can come in handy. As always, different tools for different goals.

Regale us with tall tales

“I’m 6-feet-tall” is one of the most common assertions made by men online. It seems the Internet is overrun with men who all just happen to be 6-feet-tall, which is funny since only 14.5 of the entire U.S. male population is 6-feet or taller.

If you’re a few inches below the standard 6-feet, it’s okay – just be honest. You know you may just end up meeting that person you’re chatting with, right? And chances are…yea, he’s going to notice you’re a liar.

Unless you plan to schlep around in elevator shoes the whole time you guys are together, it’s better to just say you’re 5’10 if you are actually 5’10.

On a related note, mentioning the height of your penis is also pretty unnecessary. It’s great that you have a tall penis, but let us find out for ourselves…if it comes to that.

Let loose the diva

It’s one thing to intersperse diva talk in conversation with people who love and forgive you but to channel Ru Paul in your dating profile…bitch, PLEASE…don’t do it. Just don’t. Use your real voice.

List every preference you’ve ever had

Even if you are an astrology junkie that lives your life according to the transit of the planets, is there really a need to mention that you only get along with Scorpios and Cancers and never with Libras or Tauruses? This is a surefire way to make sure your profile gets skipped by most star signs.

Or, looking for dates who fit into an extremely narrow range, such as “are comfortable with your homosexuality, but not ‘so open’ about it.” What does that even mean? You don’t want me to do jazz hands over dinner?

Sometimes in life, what you don’t do is more important than what you do. Like the above 5 things that guarantee your dating profile will suck – steer clear and you’re already a cut above the rest.

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