Ah, the lesbian dating rules. There aren’t as many as you’d think – all the usual rules to not be a douchebag apply – there are some that will tilt the cards in your favor.
Whether you’re just delving into the world of women or if you’re wondering why you keep striking out before even stepping up to bat, look no further! Here are six golden rules to keep you in (and ahead) of the lady-loving game.
Don’t think of her as your BFF
At least…not at first. In an ideal world, yes, it is great to have your life partner also be your best friend. However, it takes a lot of work to get to that ideal life balance, and that usually doesn’t happen within a week of meeting someone.
If you treat a potential date like a friend, guess what she’ll treat you like? A friend! So go the extra mile to drop some authentic compliments, get flirty, and let her know that you’re interested. If she feels the same, you’ll be getting those flirty compliments back in no time.
Ask her out
No, seriously. Really ask her out.
If you’re finally taking the plunge, take the plunge head-on! Don’t reluctantly type/stutter, “So.. do you want to hang out sometime? Maybe Friday?”
Why? Well, refer back to #1. A hang out is something you do with friends or something that involves a bed and a Netflix subscription. A hang out is not what you do to land a long-term relationship.
If you want to get serious, be serious! Ask her out and make sure there is no room left for guessing. Give a date, a time, and an idea of what you’d like to do – confidence is key here, ladies.
Get creative
One great thing about dating girls – you are one! You (mostly) know what they do and do not like to do. So when the time comes to decide where to take your potential new honey, think about things that you would be wowed by on a first date.
For example, would you rather go to the bar for another stale Friday Night Bud Lite and hope the conversation doesn’t dwindle, or go try out some cool brews together at the newest local brewery?
A movie theater where you are confined to awkward silence for two hours, or a movie night on the lawn hosted by a local city club? Check high and low for unique events that pop up around town. The effort you put into personalizing this first date will directly correspond to whether or not you land a second one – trust me.
Ask questions…
…And then take time to listen. The number one turn-off to me (and many others, I assure you) is going on a date with another human whom has little to no interest in what I have to say. So if you are really and truly interested in your date, make sure you show her that!
Eliminate all distractions like, gasp, putting your phone completely away during dates (totally possible and totally worth it). When she says something, make eye contact. Respond often and ask questions.
If you get stuck, you could talk about anything from how you still don’t really know who killed Jenny Schecter after all these years to how fly Cate Blanchett looked in Carol. It honestly doesn’t matter what you’re really talking about as long as you make a commitment to be present and responsive. Show that you are interested now, and she’ll still be interested later.
Don’t be afraid to reach out
I’ll be the first to say that yes, it’s nerve-wracking to make first contact after a first date. It can be a slippery slope – don’t wait long enough, and she may think you’re clingy. Wait too long, and she may think you’re disinterested. But I’ll also be the first to say: stop thinking that way!
I have always called my dates within ten minutes after leaving if I wanted a second date…and it works. Saying, “Hey, I just wanted to let you know I had a great time with you tonight. Let me know when you make it home,” shows just how much you enjoyed her company and care about her safety (so you can obviously see her again as soon as possible).
But – Take Your Time
There’s always a point in a young (or older) lesbian’s life where she knows she has potentially met The One™. If you feel this way after the first date – that’s awesome! But here’s the rub: slow down, slow down, slow down.
This has nothing to do with avoiding the infamous lesbian U-Haul, but rather has everything to do with the human condition.
Just like a building can’t stand without a foundation, neither can a relationship. If you rush past creating a solid basis, then your relationship is going to start sinking in the sticky, sticky mud not too far in the future.
So stop and take a second to breathe in her perfume every once in a while. Build that foundation, grow your love, and never have to worry about planning another first date again.