By the time you start looking for tactics on how to get an emotionally unavailable man to open up, you’ve already tried everything in your arsenal.

And still, it feels like pulling teeth every time you try to get him to open up and connect with you.

It almost feels like there’s nothing you can do to wheedle and coax him into a fulfilling emotional connection.

The short (unfortunate) reason why it feels so impossible is that it probably is. After all, emotionally unavailable men are that way in the first place because they don’t know how to access their feelings, much less share them.

If you are able to do so, it’s extremely difficult, and requires very careful navigation, and even then, isn’t by any means guaranteed to work.

Alright. Are you sufficiently warned off? Because again, the short answer is that you probably can’t get an emotionally unavailable man to open up, because most likely he simply isn’t capable.

But, if you’re still convinced you need to try, take it from me: The worst thing you can do is make the mistakes most women make in trying to get their emotionally unavailable man to open up, and as a result, inadvertently push him away.

So listen carefully to the suggestions I have below, and best of luck!

Start with appreciation

First, appreciate how he currently expresses himself emotionally. For many otherwise emotionally unavailable men, this is very different that what women expect when they think of emotional response.

For instance, many women naturally talk about their feelings. This is how they process and work through their emotions. For men, however, this can be absolute torture, as many of us would much prefer to work through things in silence, or via physical activity. (Yes, sometimes that means burying it, which isn’t healthy, but that isn’t always the case.)

In any case, though, expecting your man to express himself emotionally in the way you would isn’t fair to either of you. And pressuring him to talk about how he’s feelings can often make things worse for me who are emotionally unavailable, as they don’t know how to access those feelings very readily.

As a result, you’re essentially setting them up to fail, which generally isn’t considered a recipe for success.

Instead, if you want me to grow and learn how to be able to open up to you — and again, I caution you that for many emotionally unavailable men, this may never happen — you have to give him space and time to process his feelings as he knows how. This may well be in silence, which could very well be the exact opposite of how you normally process your emotions.

Don’t push him

As we’ve discussed previously, helping an emotionally unavailable man learn to express his feelings means giving him time and space. Yet, as his partner, it may well be your natural inclination to try and push him forward.

Resist that urge. If you push him, it’s going to feel either like you’re pressuring him, like you’re nagging him, or both.

When you push him to do something he doesn’t know how to do, or may not want to do, it feels to him like a trap, and may well do more to push you apart than bring you together — the exact opposite of your goal of helping him open up to you.

So hard as it may be, don’t try to make your guy talk about his feelings.

Instead, do everything you can to make it a safe space, so that when (and if) he’s ready to talk about his feelings with you, he can.

Given that he naturally has a really difficult time connecting with his feelings, your ability to help him feel safe can make a huge difference; pressuring him, on the other hand, can make something that is already tremendously difficult for him unfortunately even harder.

Use humor and positivity

Both of these things can help ease the pressure he may feel to try and share his feelings with you, which may in turn make it easier for him to open up. Remember, it may well be that he wants to open up with you, but just doesn’t know how.

In that case, helping him feel at ease is key, and for many men, humor is a great way to put them at ease. Talking seriously about feelings, on the other hand, can make men who already struggle with their emotions feel even more ill-at-ease.

Recognizing that this is difficult for them, keeping things lighthearted can help them open up if they’re ever going to be able to do so.

Again, though, keep in mind that many emotionally unavailable men may never be able to open up, no matter how hard you work at making them feel at ease to explore their feelings.

After all, if they’ve made it this long without really ever learning to address their feelings, there’s no guarantee they’ll ever be able to do so in the future.

That can be a tremendously difficult thing to hear, so if you hear nothing else, please hear this: It’s not your fault. Your partner’s emotionally unavailability isn’t a reflection on you, not in any way, shape, or form. And whether or not you’re able to help them open up is likewise not a reflection on you.

So please, be as gentle (or even more so!) with yourself as you are with your partner. Learning to deal with emotions, especially the unavailable emotions of your distant partner, is hard, hard work! So be gentle, and best of luck!

Guys aren’t always very honest with themselves, much less with you, and so it can be hard to know — regardless of what he says — whether he wants a relationship with you or just to have sex with you.

And not that there’s anything wrong with hooking up and not wanting more — sometimes that’s exactly what you need.

But other times you might be looking for more, and it can be hard to tell if the guy you’re seeing is that guy or not.

Even if you ask him what he’s looking for, he might not be self-aware enough to really know what he sees in you. So instead, you’ll be better served by paying attention to his actions.

‘Cause your mother was right: actions do speak louder than words.

So what are the signs your hookup has feelings for you? Watch for these behaviors – they’re pretty clean signals that he sees you as more than just a sexy hookup and that he instead has feelings for you.

He communicates regularly and quickly

Look, guys love sex, but no matter how much we love it, we’re only going to text or call you when we want to get laid if we see you as a hookup.

If you note that your guy is calling or texting you more often than that, you can be sure he’s got feelings for you, and if it gets to be every day, he’s looking for a relationship, whether he can admit that to himself or not.

He tries to know you

If he thinks of you as just a hookup, let’s be real: He’s not going to care much about who you are as a person, except as a means to an end. He’ll ask the questions he thinks will get him laid, and that’ll be that.

If he’s asking the kind of questions that make it clear that he’s really trying to get to know you, though, that’s a sign that he cares more about you, and really wants to learn who you are as a unique and special person, because he thinks there’s an opportunity for you two to become more.

His eyes are only for you

If you see a pretty girl go by and his eyes follow, that’s not a good sign. If, however, a pretty girl goes by and he doesn’t even notice, that’s a pretty clear sign that you’re the girl he cares about, and he sees you as more than just sex.

He takes his time

It can be infuriating when you’re with someone that’s in no rush to get to the good stuff, but if he doesn’t try to bed you immediately, there can sometimes be a really good reason: He cares about you, and doesn’t want to blow it.

If he’s just into you for sex, he may feign wanting to take it slow so that you’ll let your guard down and he’ll get laid sooner.

But if you note that he legitimately wants to take it slow, that can be a really good sign that he sees you as real relationship material, not just a hottie he can sleep with.

He doesn’t want casual dating

He might even just come out and say as much. For some guys, they know this already—they want something serious, and not just an ongoing carousel of hookups.

This is about as clear a sign as you can get that if he’s continuing to go out with you, he sees you as more, because he’s already told you he doesn’t just want casual sex.

He introduces you to his friends

There are two ways this can go. If he sees you as a hookup, he might introduce you to a few of his friends as a way of bragging or showing you off, but that’ll usually be in passing and he likely hopes it will help him get laid.

If he sees you as more than that, though, he might want to show you off, sure, but he also wants to make sure his friends approve, just like he’ll want to make sure you like his friends.

He may seem less confident

Because if he has feelings for you, that can make him feel nervous, less confident, and it will show. If he’s shy and apprehensive, it could very well be because he cares so much what you think.

He doesn’t want to scare you off. Instead, if he just sees you as an opportunity for sex, he may be cocky and not care what you think.

He’s all about PDA

If he’s affectionate with you in public, he wants other people to know you’re together. If he’s holding your hand and kissing you in public, he’s not worried about another hookup (or potential hookup) seeing the two of you together; in fact, he wants them to see you, because he sees himself as with you.

He wants to date you

And I don’t just mean drinks followed by sex. I mean real dates. If he wants to impress and woo you, it’s because he has feelings for you. Guys just don’t try that hard otherwise.

He never ignores you

When he sees a text from you, he responds immediately. For meaningless hookups, he might wait hours (so as to seem cool and detached), but if he can’t help but respond immediately to you, it’s because he’s into you, and he doesn’t want to wait to talk to you.

He’s personal with you

I mean he’s willing to share who he really is, including the stories that might be embarrassing or not make him look so great.

That level of trust means he wants to be vulnerable with you, because he wants to be emotionally connected to you. That’s relationship-building actions there, not the actions of someone who just wants sex.

So even if he says “let’s just keep things casual,” these are pretty clear signs he wants more, or at the very least, his feelings for you want more, regardless of how self-aware and conscious of those feelings he may or may not be.

And it’s not hard to see any of those signs. Trust your gut, and pay attention to how he acts toward you. It likely won’t be hard to tell at all if he’s into you, or just your body, if you’re paying attention.

Some of the most frustrated women you’ll find out there are dealing with the same dilemma: They’ve been dating a guy for a while, but nothing’s been made official.

If you’re one of these women, this is obviously a problem for several different reasons. For starters, you can’t help but think you need him in your life because you’ve become attached. Your day isn’t complete without his morning text message and a night without his evening phone call can lead to hours of lost sleep.

You try telling yourself that labels are old school and to “grow up,” yet you can’t ignore the butterflies in your stomach.

To further add to the misery is that deafening voice in your head that keeps saying: It’s been THREE FREAKING MONTHS and you want him to be your boyfriend – are you really asking for so much? And why, oh why, hasn’t he said anything yet?

To point you in the right direction we’ve compiled a list of scenarios so you can decide whether or not you should move on or wait.

He’s weighing his options

It’s been three months but he says he’s not ready to commit because he wants to see who else is out there. This is a HUGE red flag.

You didn’t go out with this guy for three months to hear there could be other women on the offer. You need to respect yourself and ditch him. Fast.

He’s emotionally unavailable

After a period of time you might notice this guy is holding back emotionally, and this could be happening for a variety of different reasons. Some men are just plain shy and take added time to warm up.

Proceed carefully with this one, especially if you’ve been dating for three months. If the frustration feels like too much, it’s probably time for you to say sayonara.

On the flipside, some guys have brutal commitment phobias that seem difficult to erase. Often these relationships fail, but that tends to be in the guy’s hands.

Some good old-fashioned therapy could really help, but he has to want to do that. If you’re totally loco over this guy then you won’t mind. If you’re not 100% then it’s probably time to jump ship and move on – as hard as that might be.

He’s a jerk

You might not think he’s a jerk, so to double check, just ask your friends. If they’ve met him a couple of times then they’ll feel his vibes and can serve you some pretty damn good guidance as to whether or not you should ditch this guy.

There are several hallmark signs of a total jerk. Generally speaking, these guys don’t like taking you out to dinner and they’ll never stay over for the entire night.

They have no interest in hearing about your life and will tune you out mid conversation. They will ghost you for days and answer your text messages very sparingly. It’s a crappy way to be treated, but sometimes we can’t help but to be attracted to the wrong people.

Jerks often avoid being in relationships because they want to enjoy the good stuff (like sex) without any strings attached. That’s convenient, after all, and it gives them space to do whatever they want.

If any of this resonates with you then chances are that he really is a jerk and he’s using you. In this scenario, you’re way better off single – truly. After all, he’s taking and taking without giving much back. What’s in it for you?

He’s “just dealing with personal issues”

Many guys use this one to buy themselves more time. They’ll throw you any excuse possible to avoid the issue of exclusivity. They might have a nasty ‘cold,’ be dealing with ‘family issues,’ or tell you some random issue has made their lives ‘so complicated.’

Don’t fall for that sort of crap! Look at it this way: You either like someone or you don’t. If he’s giving you mixed signals then put yourself first. This one may seem extremely special now that you have your love blinders on but there are many men out there and yes, many of them can even commit.

He likes you too much

This is one of the worst concepts ever but it happens in real life all the time. He’ll tell you that he’s so bedazzled and obsessed over you that he’s doing you a favor by not putting a label on your relationship.

He’ll say you’re soooo amazing that he just doesn’t want to hurt you, so let’s keep it casual! Yes, even after three months.

In actuality, this excuse makes zero sense and has no place in reality. He’s definitely hiding something from you and that’s the one thing here that’s crystal clear. Time to say see ya’ never.

Want to save yourself tons of time and heartache? One of the best things you can do is watch for these 13 signs of an emotionally unavailable man.

‘Cause when it comes to building a successful relationship you can place at the center of your life, it may be that nothing rivals emotional intimacy.

And we all know that finding emotional intimacy in a man can be difficult — but nowhere is that more difficult than with an emotionally unavailable man. In that case? Don’t bother, because it can’t be done. And even in the cases where it’s possible for an emotionally unavailable man to change, it’s a Herculean task.

First, though, what do we mean by “emotionally unavailable?”

For starters, emotionally unavailable men may have difficulty in expressing their feelings. This may be as a result of past emotional trauma, or it may simply be who they are.

And that brings us to a key distinction: Some men are temporarily emotionally unavailable, while others are permanently emotionally unavailable.

Temporarily emotionally unavailable men are obviously much more suited to sharing a meaningful relationship, but in either case, emotional distance in a relationship can, and should be, a deal-breaker, especially as it may mean trying to have a relationship with someone who may not ever be capable of truly loving you as you love them.

For that reason and more, if you’re looking for a long-term, mutually fulfilling relationship, you need to avoid dating emotionally unavailable men. To do that, though, you need to fully appreciate what that looks like, so let’s look more closely at thirteen signs of an emotionally unavailable man. Here’s what you need to watch for…

He’s not that into you

This can present in any number of ways, but most commonly this will look like a disinterest in who you are as a person. Odds are good he’ll still be plenty interested in sex, but when it comes to talking afterward or hearing about your day, he’ll likely make it pretty clear he’s really just not that interested.

Similarly, this also likely means he doesn’t ask questions about you, or your past. This isn’t just you, though, because he’s unable to connect emotionally with anyone in his life.

He sends mixed messages

Because he fear being vulnerable or otherwise opening up, you can expect regular mixed messages.

Some of this may be his own difficulty in knowing what he wants and needs, as he isn’t emotionally honest enough with himself to really know, but regardless, his unwillingness to really commit to a relationship means you’re never going to get his full attention or commitment.

Instead, you’ll get sweetness one day and a cold shoulder the next.

He can’t open up

Because he is so afraid of being vulnerable (which he sees as weakness), he won’t talk about his feelings with you. In part this may be because he doesn’t know his own feelings, but it’s also the result of not knowing how to communicate without feeling vulnerable — and feeling vulnerable is precisely the thing he hates most.

When he is able to open up, you may find you feel more like his therapist than a partner, because even when he finally trusts you enough to talk, he still isn’t emotionally mature enough to handle your emotional needs as well.

If the relationship feels one-sided, that’s because it is, and that’s not a relationship at all. After all, can you be with someone who can’t also meet your needs?

He prefers it casual

Keeping it casual means not needing to make a commitment, which leaves him feeling in control.

Watch his actions: If he disappears on you, but then is ready to have a relationship when it works for him, he’s letting you know that he only wants a relationship on his terms — which isn’t how a serious relationship is built.

Similarly, you may note he only wants to hang at your place, or doesn’t want you snooping around his place. Odds are good he may have other women he’s keeping at the same arm’s length.

He runs from trouble

An emotionally unavailable man doesn’t want to be there for any potential confrontation, because that would mean dealing with feelings, something he either isn’t comfortable with or doesn’t know how to do.

As a result, he may well run at the first sign of trouble, rather than try and work through it with you.

Here’s the thing: Every relationship has conflict. If he isn’t willing to work through it with you, it isn’t as if that conflict is going to solve itself, and ignoring it long-term isn’t a solution, either. You deserve better.

He ignores your feelings

Much like a narcissist, an emotionally unavailable man is incapable of considering your needs or feelings. This can be the result of his own difficulty in connecting with feelings, but regardless, it doesn’t bode well for a mutually beneficial partnership.

This may be something he’s willing to work on with you, but consider that for a relationship to work, both parties have to feel supported. Can you really feel supported if he doesn’t recognize your feelings?

He’s still hung up on his ex

This may even be the cause of his emotional distance. If he’s still in love with his ex, you’re the rebound — and he may not even be self-aware enough to realize it.

In any case, if he’s still stuck on his ex, he’s not seeing you as a partner. So pay attention to how he refers to his ex: If a former love comes up regularly, that might be a sign their heart is still elsewhere.

He prefers texting to talking

When it comes to communication, many emotionally unavailable men may prefer texting, because it allows them to hide and gives them control over communication, to talking, even though talking in person (or even over the phone) allows for much greater communication of tone, body language, and other emotional cues.

This helps him create an emotional barrier, though, and prevents things from getting too emotionally intimate, which is uncomfortable for him.

You should know, though, that without a willingness to work through things and be emotionally intimate, a relationship can only go so far — and that requires hard face-to-face communication.

He can’t compromise

If you’re always the one making the compromise, that isn’t a partnership. You need your partner to work with you, which requires compromise on both your parts.

If he isn’t willing or isn’t able to do that, that lack of emotional maturity will kill any long-term future you might have.

He struggles with empathy

Because he has a hard time accessing her own feelings, he has an even harder time understanding how others might feel in a given situation.

As a result, he cannot sympathize or feel empathy, because he can’t make that emotional connection. And that can be terribly frustrating in a relationship, because you’ll never get the emotional support you need from him.

He needs control

Because stepping out of our comfort zone requires a certain level of emotional independence, ceding control can be tremendously difficult for him. Ultimately, this is frequently also connected to low self-esteem.

If you notice he always has to set the itinerary, though, this is a clear sign that he isn’t emotionally able to trust you or cede you control.

He may be closed off when it comes to his personal life for the same reasons; he needs to control that arena, and letting you in forces him to cede some of that control.

He can’t connect with the people closest to you

For a real partner, the people you are closest to become their family as well, but this is the exact opposite of what happens with an emotionally unavailable man.

Because he already struggles to connect even superficially with you when it comes to feelings and emotions, he definitely isn’t able to create those bonds with your family, friends, and inner circle.

That’s simply a level of commitment he isn’t able to make.

He’ll do anything to avoid emotional intimacy

That may mean expecting perfection. It may mean creating drama where there was none. Regardless of how, when things are going well, that emotional intimacy scares him, because he doesn’t know how to handle it.

As a result, he will find reasons to step back, to regain control, or otherwise push you away. He can’t make a commitment to you, and his actions will reflect that.

Ultimately, an emotionally unavailable man isn’t able to give you what you need, and there is not much hope for a long-term happy future with him. It’s more likely that you’ll be left doing most of the work without much emotional support or even acknowledgment from his side.

So if the guy you’re seeing checks off most of these signs of an emotionally unavailable man, it’s time to ask yourself: is it worth it or is it time to walk?

No matter how you feel about him, you can’t make a man want a relationship. Maybe he’s told you he just wants to keep it casual, or maybe he simply hasn’t addressed what he wants at all.

And, even if he has talked about it, you know by now that men are not always the best with their words; instead, it’s far safer to trust their actions.

So how do you know if a relationship has a chance to go somewhere, or if he just really only wants something casual? You pay attention to his actions.

Actions like these 12 clean signs that he really does, in fact, just want a casual relationship.

He never takes you out

When he wants a real relationship, he wants to be seen out and about with you. If that never happens? There could be a reason, in that he doesn’t see you as relationship material.

His relationship history is dotted

If a guy has a history of not being able to commit, it’s unlikely that, no matter how romantic the notion may be, you’re going to be able to fix that part of him. Be careful and consider yourself warned!

He pulls away

If you often find he pulls away from you emotionally, or is distant with you, that is a sign that he isn’t emotionally invested in you or the relationship.

Similarly, maybe when you lay out your dreams with him, you’re met with silence, or a response that shows a lack of emotional connection, like “that’s great.”

If it feels like he’s just going through the motions, that’s probably because he is.

He disappears

Similarly, if he often disappears for days on end, that’s a pretty good sign that he doesn’t want to give you claim to his time.

Instead, he’s maintaining his distance and independence, which is a clear sign he wants to keep things casual.

He blows you off

Similarly, if he makes plans and then cancels, that’s a pretty clear sign that he doesn’t value your time. Yeah, sure, things come up, but if this is a repeated pattern, think twice about why that might be.

He’s still involved with his ex

Maybe there are guys out there who can genuinely stay friends with their exes, as opposed to merely tolerating them in shared social circles, but if so, I haven’t met them.

As a general rule, if a guy is still involved with their ex, it’s because they still have feelings for them…and do you really want to be stuck in that?

He doesn’t talk with you

I don’t mean superficial conversations. I mean real, deep conversations, the kind that help two people connect. If he’s not willing to have those conversations, it’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t want a relationship with you.

He’s only available when he’s available

When a guy wants a relationship with you, he makes time, whenever he can, to see you. If he’s only available on the weekends or when he doesn’t otherwise have plans, though, that’s a pretty clear sign he just wants something casual, on his terms only.

His focus is on sex

And you know, good sex is worth focusing on. But if that’s all he seems to care about, then it’s pretty clear that he’s not looking for a relationship and really just wants to get in your pants.

He ignores your hints about the future

One of the most obvious signs he just wants a casual relationship is when he is completely uninterested in thinking about a future with you.

He’s only interested in the present, and when you try to talk about where you might see the relationship going, he changes the conversation or otherwise ignores that talk.

He can’t keep from checking out other women

That might be just watching them, or it might even be flirting with them, but if the fellow you’re with makes it clear that you’re not the only woman for him, that’s a pretty clear sign he doesn’t see you as long-term relationship material.

He tells you

Look, there are plenty of times guys say they just want something casual because they don’t want to put themselves out there and risk getting hurt, even as they actually want something more.

But there are also plenty of times we might say we just want something casual, and that’s really what we mean, so if he repeatedly says things like “let’s just keep it casual,” and his behavior fits the other points we’ve just discussed, try trusting him: He probably really just wants something casual.

You’ve been seeing each other for a few months, but haven’t worked up the nerve for “the talk.”

But, short of having the talk, what if there are other ways to tell his intentions, or if he wants to be exclusive?

There are. Check out these 17 signs he wants to be exclusive with you. Of course, you should probably still have that talk – after all, clear, consistent communication is one of the hallmarks of a healthy, sustainable relationship – but if these signs check out, you’ll have a much better idea of where that talk will lead.

You’ve met each other’s inner circles

If he’s really into you, he’s going to want you to meet his closest friends, just as he’s going to want to meet your closest friends.

He wants you to be part of his support network – just as he wants to be part of your inner circle. Similarly, meeting each other’s family is a clear sign that you’re both looking forward to a potential future together.

The “we” word

Has he been using the word “we” when discussing each other and plans? When you talk about each other or try to make plans, it’s a good sign if you notice he’s using the word “we,” as in, “we should do this” or “we really like…”

In both cases, it means he’s thinking of the two of you as a couple, rather than just of himself as an individual.

He calls you his girlfriend

Pay attention to how he introduces you. If he calls you “his girlfriend,” that’s a great sign. If he refers to you as his friend, though? Not so much.

Calling you his girlfriend is his way of claiming you as his one and only partner; he’s not interested in any other women, and he’s publicly declaring it so.

He’s gotten rid of his dating profile online

Tinder, Match.com, eHarmony — if he’s taken his profiles down, you know he’s taken himself off the market. After all, he doesn’t need to look for someone else to spend his evenings with, because he’s busy spending them with you instead.

He’s hogs your weekends

If wants to spend both Friday and Saturday night with you, it’s a pretty clear sign he wants to be exclusive.

When someone’s still playing the field, they’ll keep a weekend night open for other potential dates or hookups.

But when they’re already planning to spend both nights with you? You can be sure you’re the only one they want to be with.

The women in his circle know

One of the most subtle but obvious signs he wants to be exclusive is when introduces and talks you up to his female friends.

Pay attention to how he talks you up with his female friends: Some guys will do this as a way of bragging, and other guys will do it to try and make the lady they’re interested in jealous.

If you note he’s genuinely proud to talk you up in front of his female friends, it’s because he wants them to approve of you — a good sign that he wants their support of you, because he wants you to stick around.

You spend your nights snuggling

Look: Most guys are terrible at snuggling. We don’t know how to do it, it feels awkward, and most often, we’d rather sprawl out. If he’s willingly cuddling with you—and not because you asked—it’s because he feels safe with you, and wants to let you into his life emotionally, not just physically.

That’s a pretty damn strong sign that he wants just you, for you, in his life.

He brings up a future together

If you find him hinting that he might want to live together, or otherwise sees you two together in the future, that’s a really good sign that he wants you for his long-term partner, and only you.

If he’s talking about those things with you, you can be sure he’s thinking about a longer-term future, including marriage and your potential as a wife.

He has Facebook photos up of the two of you

Even if he hasn’t changed his relationship status on Facebook yet (and if he has, that’s definitely a good sign!), numerous photos of the two of you as a couple means he wants to be seen as claimed by you.

He doesn’t want to be with someone else; he wants to be with you.

He tells you if he hears from an ex

He does this because he doesn’t want to hide anything from you AND because he’s certain he doesn’t want to be with the ex—he wants to be with you!

As a result, he’s not going to try and sneak anything by you with his ex.

Hearing from his ex is, for him, just another reminder of what a special thing he’s found in his relationship with you. And if he’s then telling you about that?

That’s a very clear sign that he just wants you, and that he wants you to stick around, because he’s displaying both emotional vulnerability and trust with you.

He loves PDA

If he’s showing off his relationship—holding your hand, kissing you, in front of family, friends, co-workers—then you know he’s proud of it. He wants people to know that he’s yours, and your his. That’s a sign he doesn’t want anything else—just you.

He spend his birthday and romantic dates with you

If he’s spending his birthday with you, you know you’re who he wants at his side. If he’s spending Valentine’s with you, you know there isn’t another woman in his life. Both of these are great signs.

You have a drawer at his place

That’s a clear sign he’s not having anyone else over—he’s asked you to claim your dominion of his space when he has you keep stuff at his place.

He tells you “I love you”

And I don’t mean to get sex: If he’s telling you “I love you” in everyday contexts, like snuggling on the couch, or just in regular conversation, even in text, you know he means it, rather than just trying to get something from you.

His ex knows about you

Obviously, this only applies if his ex is still somehow in his life; some people prefer a clean break.

But if his ex is still somehow in his life, whether because of shared friends or other circumstances, if you see him making it clear to his ex that he’s yours, it’s a clear sign he considers himself claimed by you, and wants to be with you only.

He’s there for you when you’re sick

If he’s there to make you chicken soup, you know he’s smitten, and only with you. Most guys are terrible at caring for people in their weakness, so if he’s there to nurse you back to health, that’s a clear sign he considers you a long-term keeper.

He’s given a key to his place

That’s a clear sign he wants to stop by any time, and is something he’d never do if he were seeing someone else on the side.

Instead, he considers his place yours, and he wants you to see it as a shared home for the two of you, similar to how we sees the two of you as a “we.”