Guys aren’t always very honest with themselves, much less with you, and so it can be hard to know — regardless of what he says — whether he wants a relationship with you or just to have sex with you.
And not that there’s anything wrong with hooking up and not wanting more — sometimes that’s exactly what you need.
But other times you might be looking for more, and it can be hard to tell if the guy you’re seeing is that guy or not.
Even if you ask him what he’s looking for, he might not be self-aware enough to really know what he sees in you. So instead, you’ll be better served by paying attention to his actions.
‘Cause your mother was right: actions do speak louder than words.
So what are the signs your hookup has feelings for you? Watch for these behaviors – they’re pretty clean signals that he sees you as more than just a sexy hookup and that he instead has feelings for you.
He communicates regularly and quickly
Look, guys love sex, but no matter how much we love it, we’re only going to text or call you when we want to get laid if we see you as a hookup.
If you note that your guy is calling or texting you more often than that, you can be sure he’s got feelings for you, and if it gets to be every day, he’s looking for a relationship, whether he can admit that to himself or not.
He tries to know you
If he thinks of you as just a hookup, let’s be real: He’s not going to care much about who you are as a person, except as a means to an end. He’ll ask the questions he thinks will get him laid, and that’ll be that.
If he’s asking the kind of questions that make it clear that he’s really trying to get to know you, though, that’s a sign that he cares more about you, and really wants to learn who you are as a unique and special person, because he thinks there’s an opportunity for you two to become more.
His eyes are only for you
If you see a pretty girl go by and his eyes follow, that’s not a good sign. If, however, a pretty girl goes by and he doesn’t even notice, that’s a pretty clear sign that you’re the girl he cares about, and he sees you as more than just sex.
He takes his time
It can be infuriating when you’re with someone that’s in no rush to get to the good stuff, but if he doesn’t try to bed you immediately, there can sometimes be a really good reason: He cares about you, and doesn’t want to blow it.
If he’s just into you for sex, he may feign wanting to take it slow so that you’ll let your guard down and he’ll get laid sooner.
But if you note that he legitimately wants to take it slow, that can be a really good sign that he sees you as real relationship material, not just a hottie he can sleep with.
He doesn’t want casual dating
He might even just come out and say as much. For some guys, they know this already—they want something serious, and not just an ongoing carousel of hookups.
This is about as clear a sign as you can get that if he’s continuing to go out with you, he sees you as more, because he’s already told you he doesn’t just want casual sex.
He introduces you to his friends
There are two ways this can go. If he sees you as a hookup, he might introduce you to a few of his friends as a way of bragging or showing you off, but that’ll usually be in passing and he likely hopes it will help him get laid.
If he sees you as more than that, though, he might want to show you off, sure, but he also wants to make sure his friends approve, just like he’ll want to make sure you like his friends.
He may seem less confident
Because if he has feelings for you, that can make him feel nervous, less confident, and it will show. If he’s shy and apprehensive, it could very well be because he cares so much what you think.
He doesn’t want to scare you off. Instead, if he just sees you as an opportunity for sex, he may be cocky and not care what you think.
He’s all about PDA
If he’s affectionate with you in public, he wants other people to know you’re together. If he’s holding your hand and kissing you in public, he’s not worried about another hookup (or potential hookup) seeing the two of you together; in fact, he wants them to see you, because he sees himself as with you.
He wants to date you
And I don’t just mean drinks followed by sex. I mean real dates. If he wants to impress and woo you, it’s because he has feelings for you. Guys just don’t try that hard otherwise.
He never ignores you
When he sees a text from you, he responds immediately. For meaningless hookups, he might wait hours (so as to seem cool and detached), but if he can’t help but respond immediately to you, it’s because he’s into you, and he doesn’t want to wait to talk to you.
He’s personal with you
I mean he’s willing to share who he really is, including the stories that might be embarrassing or not make him look so great.
That level of trust means he wants to be vulnerable with you, because he wants to be emotionally connected to you. That’s relationship-building actions there, not the actions of someone who just wants sex.
So even if he says “let’s just keep things casual,” these are pretty clear signs he wants more, or at the very least, his feelings for you want more, regardless of how self-aware and conscious of those feelings he may or may not be.
And it’s not hard to see any of those signs. Trust your gut, and pay attention to how he acts toward you. It likely won’t be hard to tell at all if he’s into you, or just your body, if you’re paying attention.