You’re overall happy – you think – but also wonder if what you’re noticing are signs you’re settling. We’ve all been there: snuggled into the comfort of a routine relationship, but uncertain if your partner is the right one for you.
Here are seven signs you’re settling for the wrong person!
You feel pressured to change who you are to keep the relationship going
Here’s a big red flag as well as one of the biggest signs you’re settling. If you feel you have to alter your values, your personality, or your goals in life in order to be with your partner, you’re probably settling for someone who doesn’t quite suit you.
This is not to say that compromise isn’t an important part of every relationship, but the core of who you are – the beliefs, worldview, and characteristics that make you you – should be things that are either shared by or celebrated by your partner, not things that should have to change to suit your partner.
You can’t shake the feeling there’s something missing in the relationship
This is a common feeling that people get when they’re in an unsatisfactory relationship. Such people will often try to explain away this feeling with justifications such as, “But she’s perfect. Look at her – she’s gorgeous, and smart, and sweet…” or “He’s exactly what I wanted. He’s stable and understanding, plus, he supports my ambitions and goals…”
It may be true – your partner may be what you wanted. Or what you thought you wanted. But the fact of the matter is – there’s still something missing.
Usually, that missing piece is a quality that is still ineffable because you haven’t yet come to realize it as a quality that you need for a relationship to work for you.
View this absence of that quality in your current relationship as an opportunity to better explore your own relationship needs so that the next time, you’ll know to look for someone who has that certain je ne sais quoi.
You hesitate to share ideas and thoughts that are important to you because you know your partner won’t “get it”
Chemistry is important in the beginning of the relationship – it’s what creates the spark that ignites the beginning of the romance. But to keep the relationship going, compatibility is paramount.
If your partner is not on the same mental, emotional, spiritual realm as you are – to the point where even communication of your innermost thoughts isn’t possible – you’re settling for someone who is physically with you, but otherwise not.
You’re constantly wishing your partner were different
This is a rather natural extension of #3. If you find yourself being unable to connect with your partner and begin to wishfully make mental changes to their personality, your relationship dynamic, or even your partner’s looks and behaviors – you are clearly not satisfied with the partner you’re currently with.
Granted no one is perfect and comparisons may arise from time-to-time, but someone who is truly happy in his or her relationship still wouldn’t trade his or her partner for anyone different. If you would – you’re probably settling.
You wake up next to them in the morning and instead of feeling giddy, you resent them for hogging the blanket
It’s always the little things. But when you’re falling in love, and wearing those rose-colored glasses, you won’t notice or care to notice your partner’s quirks and flaws. Some people manage to overlook these minor irritations in their partner because the positives outweigh the flaws.
If you, however, are getting to the point where you find yourself irritated by your partner’s inability to share the blanket, the noises he makes when eating, her high-pitched laughter – watch out, these seemingly little annoyances can send you deeper into the realm of dissatisfaction with your relationship.
It feels like an effort to be with your partner
This is a biggie and one of the most common signs you’re settling for the wrong relationship: You feel like you have to exert effort to go out for a night with your partner and truly enjoy yourself.
Striking up an interesting, absorbing conversation with your partner takes massive energy out of you. “Working on” your relationship and being there for your partner doesn’t come naturally and you have to try hard just to listen and care about what you’re listening to.
If you regularly feel that it takes a concerted effort from you to have a satisfying relationship with your partner, you’re heart is simply not in the relationship you’re currently in.